Feb 262011
 

A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute Mexican refugee outside an  Arizona immigration office.

"Good man," the fairy said, "I’ve been sent here by President Obama and told to grant you three wishes, since you just arrived in the  United States with your wife and eight children."

The man told the fairy,  "Well, where I come from we don’t have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them."

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Jan 292011
 

Scenario:
Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1961 – Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2011 – School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counsellors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario:
Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1961 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2011 – Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.
Scenario:
Jeffrey won’t be still in class, disrupts other students.
1961 – Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2011 – Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

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Jan 032011
 

Dear Osama Bin Laden,

Marco…

Sincerely, United States.


Dear 2010,

So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!

Sincerely, 1985.


Dear Voldemort,

So they screwed up your nose too?

Sincerely, Michael Jackson.

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Jan 012011
 

The new year always brings many resolutions. Many of these resolutions include more exercise and losing weight. If this is your goal, hopefully the following information will assist you.

 

The Act of Insertion

If the man is ready (same vice-versa)

1/4 calories

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Dec 222010
 

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today.”

Little Johnny says to himself “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m smart and will answer the question.”

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Oct 222010
 

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. And she was upset. “You are a disrespectful pig!” she cried. “How dare you do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce right away!”

And the husband replied, “Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.”

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Aug 132010
 

Here is a little test that will help you decide.


You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you…

You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

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