Teacher: Where is your homework?
Boy: I ripped it up and spread it across the playground.
Teacher: Why?
Boy: To keep away the elephants.
Teacher: What elephants?
Boy: See, it worked!
Tag Archives: boy
Mother is worried about daughter
Daughter : ” Hey Mom. Me and my boyfriend are just going to my room. ”
Mom : ” OK. Don’t do anything stupid ”
Mom hears her daughter screaming ”BAABBY BAABBY BAABBYY OOHHHH” !!
Mom rushes up stairs
Mom : ”What are you doing !!?!??!!”
Daughter : ”Get out mom, we are having sex!!.”
Mom : ”OHH!! Thank God! I thought you were listening to Justin Bieber.”
Dear Blank, please blank
Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Marco…
Sincerely, United States.
Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Sincerely, 1985.
Dear Voldemort,
So they screwed up your nose too?
Sincerely, Michael Jackson.
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely, Logic.
Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic.
Dear Yahoo,
I’ve never heard anyone say, "I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…" just saying…
Sincerely, Google.
Dear High School Boys,
Your penis is not like Pinocchio’s nose – it doesn’t get longer every time you lie about its size.
Sincerely, Reality.
Dear Dumbasses,
Please pull your damn pants up. This style should have died when it started in 1993. Get a job too.
Sincerely, Taxpayer tired of supporting you and your stupid 5 illegitimate children.
I found these at dearblankpleaseblank.com. There are many more so check it out!
Adult Riddles
Q. What is the difference between a Drug Dealer and a Hooker?
A. A Hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q. What’s a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your Mother-In-Law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q What’s the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Q. What’s the definition of ‘Macho’?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
Q. What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X’s on the back of the sheep that kick!
Q.Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it’s worth it!
Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a Guy can do it alone.
Q. What do Tupperware and a Walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Q What do a Christmas tree and a Priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
Q.What is the difference between ‘ooooooh’and ‘aaaaaaah’?
A. About three inches.
Q: What’s the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.
Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony?
A. It’s not hard.
Q: What’s the difference between a Girlfriend and a Wife?
A: 45 pounds.
Q: What’s the difference between a Boyfriend and a Husband?
A: 45 minutes.
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don’t have eyes.
Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: They don’t have balls to scratch!
Johnny can’t sit still at school
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal’s office.. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.
‘I thought I told you to call your mom!’ she said.
‘I did,’ he said, ‘and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she’d come and pick me up from school.’
Grandpa and grandson go fishing
An old man takes his grandson fishing one afternoon. After 15 minutes of fishing, ol’ grandpa takes out his flask of whiskey and starts drinking. His grandson asks, “Can I have some, Grandpa?”
“Can your dick touch your ass?” he replies.
“No.”
“Then you’re not old enough, sit down.”
Another 15 minutes pass and grandpa takes out his Camel and starts to puff away. His grandson asks “Can I have some of that, gramps?”
“Can your dick touch your ass?”
“No.”
“Then you’re not old enough, sit down.” Continue reading Grandpa and grandson go fishing
Probably should get new stained glass
