Tag Archives: Republican

No beer for Republicans

A labor union rep walks into a bar next door to the factory and is about to order a drink to celebrate Obama’s victory when he sees a guy close by wearing a Repeal ObamaCare button and two beers in front of him.

He doesn’t have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is a Republican. So, he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear, “Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for the Republican.”

Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Republican gives him a big smile, waves at him, then says, “Thank you!” in an equally loud voice. This infuriates the union rep.

The union rep once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Republican. As before, this does not seem to bother the Republican. He continues to smile, and again yells, “Thank you!”

The union man once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Republican. As before, this does not seem to bother the Republican. He continues to smile, and again yells, “Thank you!”

The union man asks the bartender, “What the hell is the matter with that Republican? I’ve ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the silly ass does is smile and thanks me. Is he nuts?”

“Nope,” replies the bartender. “He owns this place.”

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.


You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you…

You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What would you do?


Democrat’s Answer:

  • Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question!
  • Does the man look poor or oppressed?
  • Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
  • Could we run away?
  • What does my wife think?
  • What about the kids?
  • Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
  • What does the law say about this situation?
  • Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
  • Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
  • Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me?
  • Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
  • If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
  • Should I call 9-1-1?
  • Why is this street so deserted?
  • We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day.
  • Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
  • I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
  • This is all so confusing!

Republican’s Answer:

BANG!


Southerner’s Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG ! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click….. (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click

Daughter:Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?!

Son:Can I shoot the next one?!

Wife:You ain’t taking that to the Taxidermist!’

Top Ten Signs Nancy Pelosi is Getting Cocky

  • 10. Greets every Republican with “Sup, loser”
  • 9. This summer, plans to take a George W. Bush 5-week vacation
  • 8. Called Treasury Department asking, “Who do I have to talk to get on the nickel?”
  • 7. Attended health care bill signing in old sweatpants and a pair of Uggs
  • 6. Changed her name to Oprah Pelosi
  • 5. Took a gavel to Mitt Romney’s hair
  • 4. Thinks under her tutelage, she can turn Tim Tebow into an NFL quarterback
  • 3. Ends every disagreement with, “If you’re so smart, how come you’re not Speaker of the House”?
  • 2. Referred to John McCain as “the distinguished jackass from Arizona”
  • 1. Seen exchanging sexy texts with Tiger Woods
  • Thank you to TheJoker for sending this to me.