Tag Archives: sex

Morning sex has a great purpose

Soft boiled eggShe was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The ‘T’ shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!” My eyes lit up and I thought, “I am either still dreaming or this is going to be a very good day! I love morning sex!”

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said, “Thanks”, and returned to the stove with her T-shirt still up around her neck. Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, “Not that I am complaining since I love morning sex, but what was that all about?”

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The Sensitive Man

A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk. They connect. They end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his
apartment .
She notices that one wall of his
bedroom is
completely filled with soft, sweet,
cuddly teddy bears. 

There are three shelves in the
bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute,
cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the
length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.  

She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears. She is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but doesn’t mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking,
‘Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future father of my children?’ 

She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the
He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other’s clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly,
‘Well, how was it?’
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:

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20 “sexy” facts

  1. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than valium!
  2. The word “gymnasium” comes from the Greek word gymnazein which means “to exercise naked.”
  3. The greatest recorded number of children one mother had was 69 children.
  4. Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England – but only in tropical fish stores.
  5. An adulterous Greek male was sometimes punished by the removal of his pubic hair and the insertion of a large radish into his rectum.
  6. In India it is cheaper to have sex with a prostitute than buy a condom!
  7. The “normal” person spends 600 hours having sex between the ages of 20 and 70.
  8. The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were: Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
  9. Americans spend twice as much money on porn than they do on cookies.
  10. Condoms exposed to smog and other pollutants,  are 25% less effective.
  11. The word, “Hockey” is Archaic slang for “semen.”
  12. People who chew a lot of ice have a higher sex drive.
  13. Women who read romance novels have sex twice as often as those who don’t.
  14. The Ramses brand condom is named after the great Phaoroh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children.
  15. Male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality of any mammal.
  16. 27% of women think money makes a man sexier.
  17. The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
  18. 85% of men who die of heart-attacks during intercourse, are found to have been cheating on their wives.
  19. Male and female rats may have sex, up to twenty times a day.
  20. For every ‘normal’ webpage, there are five porn pages.

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Sex after death

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.

Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.

True to his word, he made the first contact:
" Marion … Marion "

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Mother is worried about daughter

Daughter : ” Hey Mom. Me and my boyfriend are just going to my room. ”
Mom : ” OK. Don’t do anything stupid ”
Mom hears her daughter screaming ”BAABBY BAABBY BAABBYY OOHHHH” !!
Mom rushes up stairs
Mom : ”What are you doing !!?!??!!”
Daughter : ”Get out mom, we are having sex!!.”
Mom : ”OHH!! Thank God! I thought you were listening to Justin Bieber.”

Sunday morning sex – perfect thoughts for Valentines Day

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

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