Aug 242017
 

So Barack Obama and Donald Trump somehow ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty.

As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, “No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I’ve been in a brothel.”

The second barber turned to Barack and said, “How about you, Mr. Obama?” Barack replied, “Go right ahead, my wife Michelle doesn’t know what the inside of a brothel smells like.”

Sep 212015
 
  1. Mexican tap water
  2. A porcupine with a “pet me” sign
  3. Bill Clinton, with my teenage daughter
  4. A fart while fighting the flu
  5. An elevator ride with Ray Rice
  6. Taking pills or a drink offered by Bill Cosby
  7. A Bigfoot sighting
  8. A Hillary Clinton war story reported by Brian Williams
  9. Gas station sushi
  10. Jimmy Carter, with the economy or military strategy
  11. A Palestinian on a motorcycle
  12. Pete Carroll coaching decisions
  13. Eating an apple from an orchard at Fukushima reactor #4
  14. Hitching a ride from a guy in a goalie mask
  15. The ingredients in a hotdog
  16. Nancy Pelosi’s grip on reality
  17. Black Ice
  18. Jerry Sandusky as a Boy Scout leader
  19. Alien abduction stories
  20. Barney Frank in the shower asking you to pick up the bar of soap
Aug 262015
 

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”

Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, why not?”

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Aug 252015
 

See more cow explanations of the economy

Jun 122015
 

A born salesman Ole, the smoothest-talking Norske in the Minnesota National Guard, got called up to active duty.

Ole’s first assignment was in a military induction center. Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially the GI life insurance, to which they were entitled.

The officer in charge soon noticed that Ole was getting a 99% sign-up rate for the more expensive supplemental form of GI insurance. This was remarkable, because it cost these low-income recruits $30 per month for the higher coverage, compared to what the government was already providing at no charge.

The officer decided he’d sit in the back of the room at the next briefing and observe Ole’s sales pitch. Ole stood up before the latest group of inductees and said,
“If you haf da normal GI insurans an’ yoo go to Afghanistan an’ get yourself kilt, da governmen’ pays yer beneficiary $20,000. If yoo take out da supplemental insurans, vich cost you only t’irty dollars a munt , den da governmen’ got ta pay yer beneficiary $200,000!” Continue reading »

Jan 292014
 

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very
attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all
of his clothes off.

When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table.

The man obeys.

Continue reading »