Tag Archives: United States

3 wishes for an illegal alien

A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute Mexican refugee outside an  Arizona immigration office.

"Good man," the fairy said, "I’ve been sent here by President Obama and told to grant you three wishes, since you just arrived in the  United States with your wife and eight children."

The man told the fairy,  "Well, where I come from we don’t have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them."

The fairy looked at the man’s almost toothless grin and — PING !– he had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!

"What else?" asked the fairy, "Two more to go."

The refugee claimant now got bolder.  "I need a big house with a three car garage in Annapolis on the water with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my relatives who still live in my country..  I want to bring them all over here" — and — PING !– in the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ in an upscale neighborhood overlooking the bay.

"One more wish", said the fairy, waving her wand.

"Yes, one more wish.  I want to be like an American with American clothes instead of these torn clothes, and a baseball cap instead of this sombrero.  And I want to have white skin like Americans" —and — PING ! — The man was transformed – wearing worn out jeans, a Baltimore Orioles T-shirt and a baseball cap.  He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.

"What happened to my new teeth?"  He wailed, "Where is my new house?"

The fairy said:

"Tough shit, Amigo, Now that you are a White American, you have to fend for yourself."

Dear Blank, please blank

Dear Osama Bin Laden,

Marco…

Sincerely, United States.


Dear 2010,

So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!

Sincerely, 1985.


Dear Voldemort,

So they screwed up your nose too?

Sincerely, Michael Jackson.


Dear Twilight fans,

Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.

Sincerely, Logic.


Dear Icebergs,

Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch.

Sincerely, The Titanic.


Dear Yahoo,

I’ve never heard anyone say, "I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…" just saying…

Sincerely, Google.


Dear High School Boys,

Your penis is not like Pinocchio’s nose – it doesn’t get longer every time you lie about its size.

Sincerely, Reality.


Dear Dumbasses,

Please pull your damn pants up. This style should have died when it started in 1993. Get a job too.

Sincerely, Taxpayer tired of supporting you and your stupid 5 illegitimate children.

 

I found these at dearblankpleaseblank.com. There are many more so check it out!

Happy Fourth of July

Today there will be no funny image, video, or joke posted to the site. Instead, today we will be thankful that we live in a great and free country that allows a site like this to exist. This site makes fun of everything and probably offends people on a regular basis. In some countries, like China, a site like this would surely not be allowed and I would probably land in prison for the publishing of it.

May God bless the United States of America.

Jokes to offend everyone

Q. What’s the Cuban National Anthem?

A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.

Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

A. A different bar.

Q. What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby?

A. Sum Ting Wong.

Q. What do you call an Italian that has one arm shorter than the other?

A. A speech impediment.

Q. Why aren’t there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?

A. Because they’re not going to work in the future either.

Q. Why do Driver’s Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on Monday, Wednesday and Friday?

A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Q. What’s the difference between a northern zoo and a southern zoo?

A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal along with a recipe.

Q. How do you get a sweet little 80 year old lady to say the “F” word?

A. Get another sweet little 80 year old lady to yell “BINGO”.

Q. What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A. A northern fairytale begins: “Once upon a time …. ” A southern fairytale begins: “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this ….”

Q. Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?

A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States.