A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute Mexican refugee outside an Arizona immigration office.
"Good man," the fairy said, "I’ve been sent here by President Obama and told to grant you three wishes, since you just arrived in the United States with your wife and eight children."
The man told the fairy, "Well, where I come from we don’t have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them."
Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Sincerely, United States.
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
So they screwed up your nose too?
Sincerely, Michael Jackson.
It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.
Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today.”
Little Johnny says to himself “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m smart and will answer the question.”
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. And she was upset. “You are a disrespectful pig!” she cried. “How dare you do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce right away!”
And the husband replied, “Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.”
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you…
You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
A nice, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from
his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well cared for.
He calmly walked over to greet me. I gave him a few pats on his
head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall,
curled up in the corner and fell asleep. An hour later he awoke
refreshed, went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day my new furry friend was back, greeted me in my yard,
walked inside, lay down on his spot in the hall and slept again for
about an hour. This continued off and on for many days.