A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”
Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, why not?”
cattle, cows, dog, politician, sheep
Every time the beautiful Regina rejects his advances, James pushes a red button and tries again, all the while unaware of the reality and consequences of his actions. Directed by Devon Avery. Selected for the Sploid Short Film Festival, a celebration of the coolest short films and the filmmakers that make them.
A born salesman Ole, the smoothest-talking Norske in the Minnesota National Guard, got called up to active duty.
Ole’s first assignment was in a military induction center. Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially the GI life insurance, to which they were entitled.
The officer in charge soon noticed that Ole was getting a 99% sign-up rate for the more expensive supplemental form of GI insurance. This was remarkable, because it cost these low-income recruits $30 per month for the higher coverage, compared to what the government was already providing at no charge.
The officer decided he’d sit in the back of the room at the next briefing and observe Ole’s sales pitch. Ole stood up before the latest group of inductees and said,
“If you haf da normal GI insurans an’ yoo go to Afghanistan an’ get yourself kilt, da governmen’ pays yer beneficiary $20,000. If yoo take out da supplemental insurans, vich cost you only t’irty dollars a munt , den da governmen’ got ta pay yer beneficiary $200,000!”
Happy Thanksgiving. I hope that you are able to work one of these gems into your conversation as you celebrate.
- Talk about a huge breast!
- Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
- It’s Cool Whip time!
- If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!
- That’s one terrific spread!
- I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.
- Are you ready for seconds yet?
- It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
- Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!
- Don’t play with your meat.
- Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.
- Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?
- I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!
- You still have a little bit on your chin.
- How long will it take after you stick it in?
- You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.