Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, an avid golfer named Walter Barnes, who attended church only when the weather was bad.
"Mr. Barnes, it’s obviously not a good morning for golf. It’s good to see you here today. Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
Continue reading All golfers should live so long as to be this kind of old man!
Obama has now appointed a Golf Czar. Announcements were just made of major rule changes in the game of golf which will become effective March 2011. This is only a preview as the complete rule book is being rewritten as we speak. Here are a few basic changes:
Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1961 – Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2011 – School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counsellors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1961 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2011 – Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.
Jeffrey won’t be still in class, disrupts other students.
1961 – Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2011 – Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.
Continue reading SCHOOL — 1961 vs. 2011
Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Sincerely, United States.
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
So they screwed up your nose too?
Sincerely, Michael Jackson.
Continue reading Dear Blank, please blank
The new year always brings many resolutions. Many of these resolutions include more exercise and losing weight. If this is your goal, hopefully the following information will assist you.
The Act of Insertion
Can you imagine this guy going 90 mph on his way to Dallas with these balloons trailing a few yards behind him?
Instructions for a fun time on the interstate……………
Step 1. Tie balloons to car.
Step 2. Drive Fast
Step 3. Watch people freak out
I’d just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said, ‘I’ve not eaten for two days’. I told him, ‘I wish I had your will power’
I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today.. Apparently the instruction “finish off on her face” didn’t mean what I thought it did.
Continue reading A chance to offend almost everyone
I have a feeling that this comedian is not going to make it.