Why do girls get all bent out shape when a man asks for a sandwich? When my woman says “Fix my car” or “Fix my computer” I don’t claim it’s sexist. I fix her stuff because I’m good at it. She is good at making sandwiches. Next time she asks me to fix her shit, I’m going to act offended and say, “Fix your own shit!” Let’s see who is more hurt, me without a sandwich or her without a car!
Last night, my kids stopped by and we were sitting in the living room when I
said to them, ‘I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some
machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.’
They got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1961 – Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2011 – School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counsellors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1961 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2011 – Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.
Jeffrey won’t be still in class, disrupts other students.
1961 – Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2011 – Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.
- Open a new file in your computer.
- Name it “Barack Obama”
- Send it to the Recycle Bin.
- Empty the Recycle Bin.
- Your computer will ask you “Do you really want to get rid of Barack Obama?”
- Firmly click on “Yes”
Do you feel better?
Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, “I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”
So they got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.
They’re such asses…