Tag Archives: computer

Rant! Make me a sandwich!!

Why do girls get all bent out shape when a man asks for a sandwich? When my woman says “Fix my car” or “Fix my computer” I don’t claim it’s sexist. I fix her stuff because I’m good at it. She is good at making sandwiches. Next time she asks me to fix her shit, I’m going to act offended and say, “Fix your own shit!”  Let’s see who is more hurt, me without a sandwich or her without a car!

MY LIVING WILL

Last night, my kids stopped by and we were sitting in the living room when I
said to them, ‘I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some
machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.’

They got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.

SCHOOL — 1961 vs. 2011

Scenario:
Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1961 – Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2011 – School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counsellors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario:
Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1961 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2011 – Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.
Scenario:
Jeffrey won’t be still in class, disrupts other students.
1961 – Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2011 – Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1961 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2011 – Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse.  Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang..  State psychologist tells Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison.  Billy’s mom has affair with psychologist.

Scenario :
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1961 – Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2011 – Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario:
Pedro fails high school English.
1961 – Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2011 – Pedro’s cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro’s English teacher.   English banned from core curriculum.  Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario:
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
1961 – Ants die.
2011 – BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with  domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny’s Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary.  Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1961 – In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2011 – Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison.  Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

SEC workers like porn!

I couldn’t help laughing at this bit of news! I picked this up at Crossing Wall Street:

From the NYT: It seems that the Securities and Exchange Commission may have a pornography problem even bigger than expected.

Gawker reported that S.E.C. is investigating allegations and reports of rampant pornography viewing, surfing, sharing, and downloading by employees on their work computers.

From popular PornHub and Tube V to animated porn cartoons on 4Chan of all places! These employees apparently know where to find their fun, if only it wasn’t at the taxpayers’ expense!

Now we’ve obtained reports of 16 investigations into porn-surfing by SEC employees and contractors (one of them is a woman!), The
blog writes
. This is including one man who said his daily porn viewing at work was limited to “no longer than an hour and a half a day.”

Call that limited!? What kind of superhuman can watch an hour and a half of porn every day and not exhaust themselves? All without his supervisor noticing as well? Is the supervisor also at their own desk watching PornSex or other naughty things? What a scoop! But it doesn’t end there, the article continues:

The sixteen cases reported by Gawker follows a February article by The Washington Times, which first reported details of the S.E.C.’s
internal investigation.

In a semiannual report by the S.E.C.’s internal watchdog to Congress released in December, H. David Kotz, the S.E.C.’s inspector general outlines numerous cases of misconduct by former and current employees, including two instances of S.E.C. officials using their office computers to view pornography on the Internet.

Wow! Whenever you think of your supervisor yelling at you for peeking at Facebook, try not to get jealous of the S.E.C officials who had been getting away with watching porn long for who knows how long. Someone get these employees a relationship councellor.