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- You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
- You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
- Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
- You burn your yard rather than mow it.
- The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
- You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don’t want it.
- You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
- You come back from the dump with more than you took.
- You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
- Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
- Your grandmother has ‘ammo’ on her Christmas list.
- You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
- You’ve been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
- You go to the stock car races and don’t need a program.
- You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
- You have a rag for a gas cap.
- Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.
- You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
- You can spit without opening your mouth.
- You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
- Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
- You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say ‘Cool Whip’ on the side.
- The biggest city you’ve ever been to is Wal-Mart.
- Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
- You’ve used your ironing board as a buffet table.
- A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
- You’ve used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
- You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
- You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.
Popularity: 7% [?]
Tags: Army, boat, cap, car, Christmas, deer, dog, ear, fat, father, fight, fire, fireworks, food, house, hunt, ice, mouth, oil, pee, Redneck, time, toilet, tree, truck, wife, work1) Did you fart? …cuz you just blew me away.
2) Are yer parents retarded? …..cuz ya’ll sure are special.
3) My love fer you is like diarrhea. I just can’t hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card? …cuz I’d like to check you out
5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? …cuz I can see myself in ‘em.
Popularity: 3% [?]
Tags: pickup lines
Three rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, ‘Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife.
Donnie says, ‘OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.’ Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Popularity: 3% [?]
Tags: beer, Budweiser, death, widowHere is a little test that will help you decide.
You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you…
You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
Popularity: 4% [?]
Tags: car, child, children, Dad, Daddy, Democrat, Family, friend, gun, ice, kids, lock, Republican, Southerner, terrorist, tree, wife1. You only know three spices – salt, pepper and ketchup.
2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
3. The mosquitoes have landing lights.
4. You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
5. You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
6. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
Popularity: 4% [?]
Tags: bear, bingo, car, house, kids, money, moose, mosquitoes, snowblower, toilet, Winter