Sep 112015
 

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Baltimore Ravens. The only thing missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn’t find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly ​ ​ ​incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM!

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Jun 122015
 

A born salesman Ole, the smoothest-talking Norske in the Minnesota National Guard, got called up to active duty.

Ole’s first assignment was in a military induction center. Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially the GI life insurance, to which they were entitled.

The officer in charge soon noticed that Ole was getting a 99% sign-up rate for the more expensive supplemental form of GI insurance. This was remarkable, because it cost these low-income recruits $30 per month for the higher coverage, compared to what the government was already providing at no charge.

The officer decided he’d sit in the back of the room at the next briefing and observe Ole’s sales pitch. Ole stood up before the latest group of inductees and said,
“If you haf da normal GI insurans an’ yoo go to Afghanistan an’ get yourself kilt, da governmen’ pays yer beneficiary $20,000. If yoo take out da supplemental insurans, vich cost you only t’irty dollars a munt , den da governmen’ got ta pay yer beneficiary $200,000!” Continue reading »

Jan 192014
 

A man goes to a public golf course. He approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop and says, “I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddie.”

The man behind the counter says, “The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course. What I will do for you is this: We just received 8 brand new robot golf caddies. If you’re willing to take one with you out on the course and come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today.”

The golfer obviously accepted the man’s offer. He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself, “I think my driver will do the job.”

The robot caddie turned to the man and said, “No sir. Use your 3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole.” Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green.

The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance. As the golfer pulled out his putter he said, “I think this green is gonna break left to right.” The robot then again spoke up and said, “No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left.”

Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine. He made his putt and birdied the hole thanks to the robot and his advice But his luck didn’t end there. His entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddie.

Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter asked, “How was your game ?” The golfer stated, “It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played. Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots. See you next week.”

A week passed, and excited, the golfer returned to the pro shop. Upon entering, he turned to the man behind the counter and said, “I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please.”

The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said, “Well the 18 holes is no problem. However, we had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints.”

“COMPLAINTS? Who in the heck could’ve complained about those robots? They were incredible”

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Jan 182014
 

A Canadian and an American were hunting in Canadian woods when a Mexican runs across the field and the Canadian shoots him and kills him.

“You can’t do that!” cried the American.

“No, no, it’s legal here in Canada” replies the Canadian.

Later that night the American goes and buys some beer and puts it on the roof of his truck to open the door. Just then a

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Nov 302013
 

Two families moved from Afghanistan to America . When they arrived, the two fathers made a bet: In a year’s time, whichever family had become more Americanized would win.

A year later they met.

The first man said, “My son is playing baseball, I had McDonald’s for breakfast and I’m on my way to pick up a case of Bud… how about you?” Continue reading »

Oct 282013
 

genie bottleBob and Ralph were fishing on the Irish shoreline when Bob pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no matches, he asked Ralph for a light.

‘Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,’ Ralph replied with an Irish accent, and then reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.

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Jul 112013
 

There was a small phone company in Wisconsin many years ago that was going to hire one team of telephone pole installers, and the boss had to choose between a team of two Norwegian guys and a team of two Polish guys.

So the boss met with both teams and said, “Here’s what we’ll do. Each team will be installing poles out on the new road for a day. The team that installs the most phone poles gets the job.”

Both teams headed right out. At end of the shift the Norwegian guys, came back, and the boss asked them how many they had installed.

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