An Aussie walks into a pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, ‘Is your date running late?’
‘No’, he replies, ‘I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.’
The intrigued woman says, ‘A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?’
The Aussie explains, ‘It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.’
The lady says, ‘What’s it telling you now?’
Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.’
Continue reading BEST AUSSIE PICK UP LINE EVER
If you have anything to do with sales of your company, you can relate.
Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1961 – Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2011 – School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counsellors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1961 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2011 – Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.
Jeffrey won’t be still in class, disrupts other students.
1961 – Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2011 – Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.
Continue reading SCHOOL — 1961 vs. 2011
The new year always brings many resolutions. Many of these resolutions include more exercise and losing weight. If this is your goal, hopefully the following information will assist you.
The Act of Insertion
Can you imagine this guy going 90 mph on his way to Dallas with these balloons trailing a few yards behind him?
Instructions for a fun time on the interstate……………
Step 1. Tie balloons to car.
Step 2. Drive Fast
Step 3. Watch people freak out
My neighbors, the two cute, young, lesbians next door, asked me what I would like for my birthday.
I was quite surprised, when they gave me a Timex! It was very nice of them, but I’m pretty sure that they misunderstood me, when I said, “I wanna watch!”