Nov 272014
 

Happy Thanksgiving.  I hope that you are able to work one of these gems into your conversation as you celebrate.

  1. Talk about a huge breast!
  2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
  3. It’s Cool Whip time!
  4. If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!
  5. That’s one terrific spread!
  6. I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.
  7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
  8. It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
  9. Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!
  10. Don’t play with your meat.
  11. Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.
  12. Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?
  13. I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!
  14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
  15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
  16. You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.

 

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 Posted by at 10:10 am
Feb 122014
 

A guy walks into a post office. He sees a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. The man then takes out a perfume bottle and sprays scent all over them.

His curiosity gets the better of him. He goes up to the man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I’m sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?'”

“But why?” asks the man.

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Dec 142013
 

A married couple had been out Christmas shopping at the mall for most of the afternoon. Suddenly, the wife realized that her husband had “disappeared.”

The somewhat irate spouse called her husband on his cell phone, and demanded: “Where the hell are you?”

Husband: “Darling, do you remember that jewelry shop where you saw the diamond necklace, and totally fell in love with it? I didn’t have money that time, and said…Baby, it will be yours one day.”

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