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At dawn the telephone rings.
"Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead".
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
"Si, Senor, that’s the one."
"Damn! That’s a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"
"From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod."
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse. "
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Senor Rod."
"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"
"Yes, Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"
"Yes, Senor Rod."
"But there’s electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral, Senor Rod."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"
"Your wife’s, Senor Rod". She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G15 204g titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft."
Popularity: 3% [?]
Tags: golf, horse, house, parrot, wifeVerne was teeing off from the men’s tee.
On his downswing, he realized that his wife, Joy, was teeing up on the woman’s tee directly in front of him. Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the temple, killing her instantly.
A few days later, Verne got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy.
Coroner: "Verne, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that correct?"
Popularity: 2% [?]
Tags: coroner, golf, mulliganIf you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.
No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
Popularity: 4% [?]
Tags: birdie, club, golf, hazard, putterToward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, an avid golfer named Walter Barnes, who attended church only when the weather was bad.
"Mr. Barnes, it’s obviously not a good morning for golf. It’s good to see you here today. Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
Popularity: 3% [?]
Tags: bar, can, church, ear, golf, ice, man, sun, time, todayObama has now appointed a Golf Czar. Announcements were just made of major rule changes in the game of golf which will become effective March 2011. This is only a preview as the complete rule book is being rewritten as we speak. Here are a few basic changes:
- Golfers with handicaps:
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Tags: Barack Obama, bets, birdie, cap, dollar, golf, Green, handicap, par, putter, time, win
This isn’t an advertisement but today’s game promises to be fantastic.
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Tags: Chicago Bears, Green Bay PackersA Chicago family of pro football supporters head out one Saturday to do their Christmas shopping. While in the sports store, the son picks up a Green Bay Packers #12 jersey and says to his older sister, "I’ve decided to become a Packer fan and I would like this for Christmas." His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him on the head and says, "Go talk with mom."
Off goes the little lad with the Green Bay Packer jersey in hand and finds his mother. "Mom?" "Yes, son?" "I’ve decided I’m going to be a Packer fan, and I would like this Aaron Rodger’s jersey for Christmas." The mother is outraged, promptly whacks him on the head and says, "Go see your father."
Popularity: 4% [?]
Tags: bear, car, Chicago Bears, Christmas, Dad, ear, Family, fat, father, football, Green, Green Bay Packers, home, hope, mother, prom, Sister, todayTempted to embark on yet another extra marital affair, Bill was absent-mindedly reviewing the situation to himself in the bar.
“Not worth it,” he muttered. “Never as good as you hoped. Expensive. Drives the wife berserk.”
His friend, who happened to overhear his soliloquy leaned across. “Come now, old son. You know what to expect when you took up golf.”
Popularity: 3% [?]
Tags: bar, cheating, ear, friend, golf, heat, hope, wife, win