Jan 292011
 

Scenario:
Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1961 – Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2011 – School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counsellors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario:
Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1961 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2011 – Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.
Scenario:
Jeffrey won’t be still in class, disrupts other students.
1961 – Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2011 – Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

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Oct 222010
 

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. And she was upset. “You are a disrespectful pig!” she cried. “How dare you do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce right away!”

And the husband replied, “Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.”

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Oct 152010
 

In South Los Angeles , a 4-plex was destroyed by a fire.

A Nigerian family of six con artists lived on the first floor, and all six died in the fire. An Islamic group of seven welfare cheats, all illegally in the country from Kenya , lived on the second floor, and they, too, all perished in the fire. 6 LA, Hispanic, Gang Banger, ex-cons, lived on the 3rd floor and they, too, died. A lone, white couple lived on the top floor… The couple survived the fire.

Jesse Jackson, John Burris and Al Sharpton were furious. They flew into LA and met with the fire chief, on camera.

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Apr 062010
 
  • 10. Greets every Republican with “Sup, loser”
  • 9. This summer, plans to take a George W. Bush 5-week vacation
  • 8. Called Treasury Department asking, “Who do I have to talk to get on the nickel?”
  • 7. Attended health care bill signing in old sweatpants and a pair of Uggs
  • 6. Changed her name to Oprah Pelosi
  • 5. Took a gavel to Mitt Romney’s hair
  • 4. Thinks under her tutelage, she can turn Tim Tebow into an NFL quarterback
  • 3. Ends every disagreement with, “If you’re so smart, how come you’re not Speaker of the House”?
  • 2. Referred to John McCain as “the distinguished jackass from Arizona”
  • 1. Seen exchanging sexy texts with Tiger Woods
  • Thank you to TheJoker for sending this to me.