Just print out this page, distribute it to friends, and listen…
(be sure to read directions at the bottom.)
Rules for Bullshit Bingo:
1. You only know three spices – salt, pepper and ketchup.
2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
3. The mosquitoes have landing lights.
4. You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
5. You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
6. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
7. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
8. You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
9. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
10. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
11. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.
12. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
13. The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
14. Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
15. You think the start of moose season is a national holiday.
16. You head south to go to your cottage.
17. You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won’t prowl on your deck.
18. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
19. The major parish fund-raiser isn’t bingo – it’s sausage making.
20. You find -40C a little chilly.
21. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.
22. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels.
23. You can play road hockey on skates.
24. You know 4 seasons – Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
25. The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
(This was originally found on Aha! Jokes)
Q. What’s the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.
Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar.
Q. What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong.
Q. What do you call an Italian that has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment.
Q. Why aren’t there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A. Because they’re not going to work in the future either.
Q. Why do Driver’s Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on Monday, Wednesday and Friday?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Q. What’s the difference between a northern zoo and a southern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal along with a recipe.
Q. How do you get a sweet little 80 year old lady to say the “F” word?
A. Get another sweet little 80 year old lady to yell “BINGO”.
Q. What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A. A northern fairytale begins: “Once upon a time …. ” A southern fairytale begins: “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this ….”
Q. Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States.