A golfer playing in hooked his into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer’s ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.

‘Arrgh! What happened?’ the Leprechaun asked.

‘I’m afraid I hit you with my ball,’ the golfer says.

‘Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?’

‘Thank God, you’re all right!’ the golfer answers in relief. ‘I don’t want anything, I’m just glad you’re OK, and I apologize.’

And the golfer walks off.

‘What a nice guy,’ the Leprechaun says to himself. I have to do something for him. I’ll give him the three things I would want… a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.’

A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

‘Twas me that made ye hit the ball here, ‘ the little guy says. ‘I just want to ask ye, how’s yer golf game?’

‘My game is fantastic!’ the golfer answers. I’m an internationally famous golfer now.’ He adds, ‘By the way, it’s good to see you’re all right.’

‘Oh, I’m fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how’s yer money situation?’

‘Why, it’s just wonderful!’ the golfer states. ‘When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills I didn’t even know were there!’

‘I did that fer ye also.’ And tell me, how’s yer sex life?’

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, ‘It’s OK.’

C’mon, c’mon now,’ urged the Leprechaun, ‘I’m wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?’

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, ‘Once, sometimes twice a week.’

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One rainy spring in Belfast, a driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.

"Where to?" he stammered.

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Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the almost fell down when he saw him. He’d never been to in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, “Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?”

Murphy said, “I got to be honest with you , a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass & figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and McGlynn’s hat.”

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I found this on I’ma Weird but it was referred to me by TheJoker.

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An attractive blonde from Cork, arrived at the .
She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros
on a single roll of the dice.

She said, ‘I hope you don’t mind,
but I feel much luckier when I’m completely ’.
With that, she stripped from the neck down,
rolled the dice and with an brogue yelled,
‘Come on, baby, needs new clothes!’

As the dice came to a stop,
she jumped up and down and squealed…
‘YES! YES! I WON, I WON!’

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Q. What’s the National Anthem?

A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.

Q. Where does an family go on vacation?

A. A different bar.

Q. What did the couple name their tan, curly-haired baby?

A. Sum Ting Wong.

Q. What do you call an that has one arm shorter than the other?

A. A .

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