So I went to Wal-Mart and saw that they had Obama Christmas Tree ornaments….
Now ain’t that a bitch???
Suddenly it’s OK to hang a black man from a tree again??????????
Monthly Archives: November 2010
Those “I” things
For my son’s Birthday, we bought him an iPod.
For my daughter’s birthday, she got an iPhone
and for my birthday I was pleased to receive an iPad.
Thinking along the same lines, I got my wife an iRon – and then the fight started….
Tongue in her ear
Not exactly the most romantic picture. She doesn’t look like this is turning her on. Can he get his tongue out of her ear?
Saw this over at Awkward Family Photos.
Irish logic
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He’d never been to church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, “Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?”
Murphy said, “I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass & figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn’s hat.”
The priest said, “Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn’t steal McGlynn’s hat. What changed your mind?”
Murphy replied, “Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn’t need to steal McGlynn’s hat after all.”
With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said; “After I talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?”
Murphy slowly shook his head. “No, Father, after ya talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’ I remembered where I left me hat.”
North Korean Internet Pictures (If North Korea Had the Internet)
Irving the Jewish Dog
Morty visits the veterinarian in Boca Raton and says, “My dog has a problem.”
The doctor replies, “So tell me about the dog’s problem.”
“First you should know, he’s a Jewish dog. His name is Irving and he can talk,” says Morty.
“He can talk?”, the doubtful doctor asks.
“Watch this!” Morty points to the dog and commands: “Irving, Fetch!”
Irving, the dog, begins to walk towards the door, then turns around and demands, “So why are you talking to me like that? You order me around like I’m nothing. And you only call me when you want something. And then you make me sleep on the floor, with my arthritis. You give me this fahkahkta food with all the salt and fat, and you tell me it’s a special diet. It tastes like dreck! YOU should eat it yourself! And do you ever take me for a decent walk? NO, it’s out of the house, a short pish, and right back home. Maybe if I could stretch out a little, the sciatica wouldn’t kill me so much! I should roll over and play dead for real for all you care!”
The Doctor is amazed. “This is remarkable! What could be the problem?”
Morty says, “Obviously, he has a hearing problem! I said ‘Fetch,’ not Kvetch.”
Bass Pro Shop
A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades.
She says, ‘Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?’ He says, ‘Ma’am, I’m completely blind; but if you’ll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.’
She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, ‘That’s a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It’s a good all around combination and it’s on sale this week for only $20..00.
She says, ‘It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter.
I’ll take it!’ As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
‘Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,’ he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.
The man rings up the sale and says,
‘That’ll be $34.50 please.’
The woman is totally confused by this and asks,’Didn’t you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?’
He replies, ‘Yes, Ma’am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50
Dilbert is visited by an investor
I am embedding this cartoon with the embedded tools at the Dilbert site. I first saw this comic over at Confident Investor.
Super Funny Fart Girl Farts
Heat seeking missiles
Can you imagine this guy going 90 mph on his way to Dallas with these balloons trailing a few yards behind him?
Instructions for a fun time on the interstate……………
Step 1. Tie balloons to car.
Step 2. Drive Fast
Step 3. Watch people freak out
