Jul 072013
 

One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

“I don’t know what to do here,” says the devil. “You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got a couple of folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you.  I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.”

Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

“No,” Obama said. “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer, and I don’t think I could do that all day long.”

The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

“No, this is no good; I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day,” commented Obama.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Continue reading »

Dec 092011
 

Once  upon a time there were two brothers. One brother was very mischievous, always getting into trouble. The other brother, however, was very good. He was always kind to animals, helped elderly neighbors, and led an exemplary life…..

As time went on, the brothers stayed in touch but were never close.  The evil brother became a heavy drinker and a womanizer.  The other brother was a devoted husband and father and supported many charities.

One day the evil brother died. Then, after a few years, the good brother passed away. He went to heaven and was rewarded with a happy afterlife.

Continue reading »

Dec 212010
 

t’was the night before kwansa and all through the crib,

Not a white man was lurking, all present were splib.

With mom out there hooking and dad in the slam,

I just settled down with some collards and ham.

The house was just freezin and covered with snow,

as my brother pulled up in a care he dun stole.

Continue reading »

Nov 182010
 

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He’d never been to church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, “Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?”

Murphy said, “I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass & figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn’s hat.”

Continue reading »

Sep 152010
 

Three Canadian blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented.

The first blonde said, “Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey.”

St. Peter said, “No,” and he banished her to Hell.

Continue reading »

May 232010
 

A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her husband’s best friend. After they finish having sex, they cuddle for a few moments when the phone rings. Since they are in the woman’s house, she picks up the phone. Her lover watches and listens, hearing only her side of the conversation.

Speaking in a cheery voice, the woman says: “Hello? … Oh, hi… I’m so glad that you called… Really? That’s wonderful… I am so happy for you… That sounds terrific… Thanks… OK, goodbye, Dear.” Continue reading »

Apr 022010
 

The Pope and Tiger Woods die on the same day and because of an administrative mix up the Pope went to Hell and Tiger Woods went to Heaven.

The Pope explains the situation to the administrative clerk in Hell, and after checking the paperwork admits that there is an error.

“However”, the clerk explains, “it would be 24 hours before it can be rectified”.

Continue reading »

Mar 012010
 

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.  The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes.  When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes.  When she was finished, the devil informs her that cost is 6 million dollars, so, Queen Elizabeth writes him a check.

Continue reading »