Tag Archives: veternarian

Animals, Politics

Coyote problem solved by different Governors

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The Governor of New York is jogging with his dog along a nature trail.  A coyote jumps out, bites the Governor, and attacks his dog.

  1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi", then realizes he should stop, the coyote is only doing what’s natural.
  2. He calls Animal Control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the state $200 for testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.
  3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the state $200 for testing it for disease.
  4. The Governor goes to a hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for disease from the coyote and for getting his bite wound bandaged.
  5. The running trail is shut down for 6 months, while Fish & Game conducts their $100,000 survey to make sure the area is free of dangerous animals.
  6. The Governor next spends $150,000 in state funds, implementing a "Coyote Awareness" program for residents of the area.
  7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease, throughout the world.
  8. The Governor’s security agent is fired for not somehow stopping the attack and for letting the Governor attempt to intervene.
  9. Additional cost to State of New York : $175,000 to hire and train a new security agent with additional special training re: The Nature of Coyotes.
  10. PETA protests the coyote’s relocation and files suit against the state.

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Governor Brewer of Arizona is jogging, with her dog, along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks her dog.

  1. The Governor shoots the coyote with her state-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow-point cartridge.
  2. Arizona buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that, my friends, is why New York is broke!

Ethnic, Quickie

Irving the Jewish Dog

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Morty visits the veterinarian in Boca Raton and says, “My dog has a problem.”

The doctor replies, “So tell me about the dog’s problem.”

“First you should know, he’s a Jewish dog. His name is Irving and he can talk,” says Morty.

“He can talk?”, the doubtful doctor asks.

“Watch this!” Morty points to the dog and commands: “Irving, Fetch!”

Irving, the dog, begins to walk towards the door, then turns around and demands, “So why are you talking to me like that? You order me around like I’m nothing. And you only call me when you want something. And then you make me sleep on the floor, with my arthritis. You give me this fahkahkta food with all the salt and fat, and you tell me it’s a special diet. It tastes like dreck! YOU should eat it yourself! And do you ever take me for a decent walk? NO, it’s out of the house, a short pish, and right back home. Maybe if I could stretch out a little, the sciatica wouldn’t kill me so much! I should roll over and play dead for real for all you care!”

The Doctor is amazed. “This is remarkable!  What could be the problem?”

Morty says, “Obviously, he has a hearing problem! I said ‘Fetch,’ not Kvetch.”