Tag Archives: Tiger Woods
World’s Shortest Books
THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
by Barack Obama
MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS
by Tiger Woods
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan
Illustrated by Michael Moore
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
by Rev Jesse Jackson and Rev Al Sharpton
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
by Hillary Clinton
Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman
THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
by Al Gore & John Kerry
AMELIA EARHART’S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J. Kevorkian
TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED, BEFORE ……
by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O’Donnell
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O. J. Simpson
HOW TO DRINK AND DRIVE SAFELY
by Ted Kennedy
MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton
with introduction
by the
Rev. Jesse Jackson
GREAT MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by George W. Bush
A GUIDE TO GUN SAFETY
by Dick Cheney
*******************************************************
AND, JUST ADDED:
My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy
by Nancy Pelosi
Tiger Woods discusses health care with Barach Obama
Tiger Woods is way out of his league compared to Barach Obama regarding ObamaCare when it comes to screwing people.
Tiger Wood has a new Nike ad
Tiger Woods and the Newlyweds
A newlywed couple is on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about to consummate their marriage, when the bride says to her husband, “I have a confession to make… I’m not a virgin. I’ve been with another man.”
The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and age. Who’s the other guy?”
“Tiger Woods,” says the wife.
“Tiger Woods, the golfer?”
“Yes.”
“Well, he’s rich and famous,” the husband says. “I can see why you went to bed with him.”
So the husband and wife proceed to make passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
“What are you doing?” asks the wife.
“I’m hungry,” the husband replies. “I’m going to call room service and get us something to eat.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that,” his wife shot back.
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?” the husband asks.
“He’d come back to bed and make love to me a second time.”
The husband puts down the phone, jumps back in bed, and the couple makes love a second time. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks over to the phone.
“Now what are you doing?” asks the wife.
“I’m still hungry, so I was going to call room service.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that,” the wife says again.
The husband slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love to his wife one more time.
When they finish, the husband is tired and beat. He drags himself out of bed and over to the phone.
The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”
“No, I’m calling Tiger Woods to find out the par for this damn hole!”
(Shout out to Web Funny where I found this)
Top Ten Signs Nancy Pelosi is Getting Cocky
Thank you to TheJoker for sending this to me.
Tiger & the Pope
The Pope and Tiger Woods die on the same day and because of an administrative mix up the Pope went to Hell and Tiger Woods went to Heaven.
The Pope explains the situation to the administrative clerk in Hell, and after checking the paperwork admits that there is an error.
“However”, the clerk explains, “it would be 24 hours before it can be rectified”.
Next day the Pope is called and Hell’s staff bids him farewell.
On the way up, the Pope meets Tiger Woods coming down from Heaven and they stop to have a chat.
“Sorry about the mix up”, apologizes the Pope.
“No problem” replied Tiger Woods.
Pope: “I am really anxious to get to Heaven”
Tiger: “Why is that?”
Pope: “All my life I have wanted to meet the Virgin Mary”
Tiger: “You’re a day late.”
What Tiger should have said
To my wife, I’m sorry. I fucked up but I’m not changing so you’ll either need to put up with this shit or I’ll stroke you the check I agreed to in the pre-nup….sorry.
To my fans, get over it. Where I stick my dick is none of your business. If you care….sorry. I don’t need any of you in order to make 10 times in one year what you’ll make in a career. I promise to continue to hit 4 irons from 210 yards to within 10′ of the hole and drop puts that you couldn’t read in a million years. If that’s not good enough for you, go watch tennis.
To the media. You cocksuckers are the only ones more two-faced than I am. Kissing my ass for all those years and then ripping me every chance you’ve had since Thanksgiving. Fuck all ya’ll. I’m glad I don’t have to take the time to sit and answer the same bullshit questions over and over again.
To the other golfers. Kiss my cablanasian ass! You motherfuckers come out ripping me when I’ve put more fucking money in your pockets than you could count. You think anyone’s been paying to see Jesper-fucking-Parnavik? Give me a fucking break. I’m almost tempted to give up golf just to punish you guys but I think it’s going to be more fun to practice for the next few weeks and get back to making you all my bitches.
That’s all I got today folks…..see ya at Augusta !….Oh and Bambi, if you’re listening I’ll meet you at the Ritz in 45 minutes.
Five rules for men to follow for a happy life
1. It’s important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It’s important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It’s important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn’t lie to you.
4. It’s important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It’s very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
Signed
Tiger Woods