Tag Archives: husband and wife

Lie detector robot

John was a salesman’s delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John.

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy.

The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school."

"We went to Bobby’s house and watched a movie." said Tommy.

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.

"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."

The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can’t be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"

The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

Tiger Woods and the Newlyweds

A newlywed couple is on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about to consummate their marriage, when the bride says to her husband, “I have a confession to make… I’m not a virgin. I’ve been with another man.”

The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and age. Who’s the other guy?”

“Tiger Woods,” says the wife.

“Tiger Woods, the golfer?”

“Yes.”

“Well, he’s rich and famous,” the husband says. “I can see why you went to bed with him.”

So the husband and wife proceed to make passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

“What are you doing?” asks the wife.

“I’m hungry,” the husband replies. “I’m going to call room service and get us something to eat.”

“Tiger wouldn’t do that,” his wife shot back.

“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?” the husband asks.

“He’d come back to bed and make love to me a second time.”

The husband puts down the phone, jumps back in bed, and the couple makes love a second time. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks over to the phone.

“Now what are you doing?” asks the wife.

“I’m still hungry, so I was going to call room service.”

“Tiger wouldn’t do that,” the wife says again.

The husband slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love to his wife one more time.

When they finish, the husband is tired and beat. He drags himself out of bed and over to the phone.

The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”

“No, I’m calling Tiger Woods to find out the par for this damn hole!”

(Shout out to Web Funny where I found this)