After being married for 40 years, I took a
careful look at my wife and said,
“Forty years ago we had a cheap house, a
junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a
10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep
every night with a hot 23-year-old girl. Now …. I have a $500,000.00 home, a $35,000.00
car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but
I’m sleeping with a 63-year-old woman. It seems
to me that you’re not holding up your side of things.”
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me
to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she
would make sure that I would once again be living
in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on
a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and
A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop one day
and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her
“Of course, madam,” replied the sales clerk, “exactly what type and color
dress are you looking for?”
The bride to be said, “A long frilly white dress with a veil.”
On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on. She went to her husband, a retired Marine, and asked, "Honey, do you remember this?"
He looked up from his newspaper and said; "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."
She said, "Yes, that’s right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"
He nodded and said "Yes dear, I said: Oh baby, I’m going to suck the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out."
She giggled and said, "That’s exactly what you said. So now it’s fifty years later, and I’m in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight?"
He looked her up and down and said,
A woman, married three times, walked into a bridal shop and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.
"Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "Exactly what style and color are you looking for?"
The bride to be said: "A long frilly white dress with a veil."
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, ‘Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.’
‘I know,’ the old man said. ‘We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago..’
‘Well,’ Granny snickered. ‘Let’s relive some old times.’
Two men are out just quietly fishing & drinking beer.
Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says,
“I think I’m gonna divorce my wife. She hasn’t spoken to me in over 2 months.”
Charles continues slowly sipping his beer then thoughtfully says,
“You better think it over, Bob. Women like that are hard to find.”
A newlywed couple is on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about to consummate their marriage, when the bride says to her husband, “I have a confession to make… I’m not a virgin. I’ve been with another man.”
The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and age. Who’s the other guy?”
“Tiger Woods,” says the wife.