[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZX9Rv_2_C0[/youtube]
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Google Translate can predict the future
- Go to Google Translate
- Translate “will justin bieber ever hit puberty” from English to Vietnamese
- Copy the translation and translate it back into English
Neighbor is an immigrant
Your car is Japanese.
Your Vodka is Russian.
Your pizza is Italian.
Your kebab is Turkish.
Your democracy is Greek.
Your coffee is Brazilian.
Your movies are American.
Your Beers are German.
Your shirt is Indian.
Your oil is Saudi Arabian.
Your electronics are Chinese.
Your numbers -Arabic, your letters -Latin.
And you complain that your neighbor is an immigrant?
I wasn’t speeding!
A police officer stops a man on the highway. The man says “Did you stop me for speeding?”
The officer replies “Yes, I stopped you for speeding”
The man replies “Well I have a gun in my glove compartment, and have a dead body in my trunk”
The officer pulls back and calls for back up and waits. Minute’s later back up arrives. The second officer says “My partner says you had a dead body in the trunk and a gun is the glove compartment.”
So the cop checks the glove compartment, no gun. He checks the trunk, no body.
Officer 2 asks, “Do you have a gun?”
The man says, “No, sir.”
“Did you steal this car?”
“Nope.”
At last policeman 2 says, “My partner said you had a dead body and a gun.”
The guy replies, “I bet he said I was speeding too!!!”
Husband preferences
A wife asked her husband, “What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?”
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, “Your sense of humor.”
Elephant remover
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Boy: I ripped it up and spread it across the playground.
Teacher: Why?
Boy: To keep away the elephants.
Teacher: What elephants?
Boy: See, it worked!
Political math
I realize that this is more scary or frustrating than it is funny but it seems to fit a politically incorrect site.
Now that I think about it, there is nothing funny about this video.
Mother is worried about daughter
Daughter : ” Hey Mom. Me and my boyfriend are just going to my room. ”
Mom : ” OK. Don’t do anything stupid ”
Mom hears her daughter screaming ”BAABBY BAABBY BAABBYY OOHHHH” !!
Mom rushes up stairs
Mom : ”What are you doing !!?!??!!”
Daughter : ”Get out mom, we are having sex!!.”
Mom : ”OHH!! Thank God! I thought you were listening to Justin Bieber.”
Sunday morning sex – perfect thoughts for Valentines Day
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He’d still be alive if that damn ice cream truck hadn’t come along."
I hope that the bells are ringing for you and your loved one.
Happy Valentines Day
