Tag Archives: mother
Texting blunder: It isn’t an alien smiley face
Part of the family
As a woman passed her daughter’s closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked: ‘What in the world are you doing?’
The daughter replied: ‘Mom, I’m thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.’
The next day, the girl’s father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said: ‘Dad I’m thirty-five, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.’
A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip , placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the living room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy. The wife asked: ‘What the hell are you doing?’
Things your Mother would NEVER say
— Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too.
— Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I’ll be glad to feed and walk him every day.
— That outfit isn’t sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse.
— Why don’t you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper.
— The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It’s not like I’m running a prison around here.
— Don’t clean your room so often. It makes the rest of the house look bad.
— Can I borrow your new speed metal CDs?
— Naw, you don’t have to call me, I’ll eventually figure it out if you’re in trouble.
Mother is worried about daughter
Daughter : ” Hey Mom. Me and my boyfriend are just going to my room. ”
Mom : ” OK. Don’t do anything stupid ”
Mom hears her daughter screaming ”BAABBY BAABBY BAABBYY OOHHHH” !!
Mom rushes up stairs
Mom : ”What are you doing !!?!??!!”
Daughter : ”Get out mom, we are having sex!!.”
Mom : ”OHH!! Thank God! I thought you were listening to Justin Bieber.”
Chicago Bear fans
A Chicago family of pro football supporters head out one Saturday to do their Christmas shopping. While in the sports store, the son picks up a Green Bay Packers #12 jersey and says to his older sister, “I’ve decided to become a Packer fan and I would like this for Christmas.” His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him on the head and says, “Go talk with mom.”
Off goes the little lad with the Green Bay Packer jersey in hand and finds his mother. “Mom?” “Yes, son?” “I’ve decided I’m going to be a Packer fan, and I would like this Aaron Rodger’s jersey for Christmas.” The mother is outraged, promptly whacks him on the head and says, “Go see your father.”
Off he goes with the Green Bay Packer #12 jersey in hand and finds his father. “Dad?” “Yes, son?” “I’ve decided I’m going to be a Packer fan, and I would like this Rodger’s jersey for Christmas”. The father is so outraged he, too, whacks his son on the head and says, “No son of mine is ever going to be seen in that!”
About half hour later they’re all back in the car heading towards home. The father turns to the son and says, “Son, I hope you’ve learned something today.”
The son says, “Yes, Dad, I have.”
“Good, son. What is it?”
The son replies, “I’ve only been a Packer fan for an hour and I already hate you Illinois bastards.”
Mom wonders why she is on Facebook
Make sure that you read to the last line and remember that Mary B is a mother that just got signed into Facebook by her son.
I found this at Lamebook.com