Monthly Archives: November 2010
Considerate woman
Sweet Tea
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and Blue.
Doctor: “What happened?”
Woman: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp.”
Doctor: “I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don’t swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep.”
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
Woman: “Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn’t touch me!”
Doctor: “You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?”
Remember when?
How sad….
Remember when Ronald Reagan was president?
At that time, we also had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash.
Now, we have Obama and no hope and no cash.
The best salesman ever
Historical Facebook conversations
This couple proves they can go both ways
I found this over at Awkward Family Photos.
The Salesman Gets Big Brothered
Nerd costumes for Halloween
We just had Halloween. Here are a few very nerdy costumes that people wore. If you want to see more, Dorkly has 30 of them!
A chance to offend almost everyone
I’d just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said, ‘I’ve not eaten for two days’. I told him, ‘I wish I had your will power’
I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today.. Apparently the instruction “finish off on her face” didn’t mean what I thought it did.
A fat girl served me food in McDonalds at lunch time, she said, “sorry about the wait”. I said, “don’t worry fatty, you’re bound to lose it eventually”.
Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself “fat chance with a face like that”.
Top Tip: if you’re camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it’s so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it’s not necessarily an invitation for casual sex … wish me luck; I appear in court next Monday.
I have a new chat up line that works every time!! It doesn’t matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner and I always end up in bed with them … here’s how it goes “Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?”
Years ago it was suggested “that an apple a day kept the doctor away” … but since all the doctors are now Muslim, I’ve found that a bacon sandwich works
best!
I failed my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently “Mexicans” was not the correct answer.