So I went to Wal-Mart and saw that they had Obama Christmas Tree ornaments….
Now ain’t that a bitch???
Suddenly it’s OK to hang a black man from a tree again??????????
For my son’s Birthday, we bought him an iPod.
For my daughter’s birthday, she got an iPhone
and for my birthday I was pleased to receive an iPad.
Thinking along the same lines, I got my wife an iRon – and then the fight started….
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He’d never been to church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, “Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?”
Murphy said, “I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass & figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn’s hat.”
Morty visits the veterinarian in Boca Raton and says, “My dog has a problem.”
The doctor replies, “So tell me about the dog’s problem.”
“First you should know, he’s a Jewish dog. His name is Irving and he can talk,” says Morty.
“He can talk?”, the doubtful doctor asks.
A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades.
She says, ‘Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?’ He says, ‘Ma’am, I’m completely blind; but if you’ll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.’
She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
Can you imagine this guy going 90 mph on his way to Dallas with these balloons trailing a few yards behind him?
Instructions for a fun time on the interstate……………
Step 1. Tie balloons to car.
Step 2. Drive Fast
Step 3. Watch people freak out