Jan 152014
 

A young Catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest “I’m pregnant”

He asked ” How did this happen my child?”

She said “I think it must be the second coming”

The priest, shocked by this reply asked “What makes you think this has anything to do with the Second Coming?”

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Nov 022010
 

I’d just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said, ‘I’ve not eaten for two days’. I told him, ‘I wish I had your will power’


I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today.. Apparently the instruction “finish off on her face” didn’t mean what I thought it did.


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Sep 212010
 

This series of images was so funny, I had to reproduce them all here.  I found this at Don’t Panic so I am sorry to them that I took their whole post. Go visit them and see more funny stuff.

The hilarious part of these images (aside that it is just plain funny) is that if he was only half as fat, the girls wouldn’t have looked at him at all! There is an advantage to being super-obese.

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Sep 162010
 

Q. What is the difference between a Drug Dealer and a Hooker?

A. A Hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.


Q. What’s a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your Mother-In-Law backing off a cliff in your new car.


Q What’s the height of conceit?

A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.


Q. What’s the definition of ‘Macho’?

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Feb 212010
 

An 18 year old Jewish girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting and crying, the mother says, “Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!”

Without answering, the girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Mercedes stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and wearing a yarmulke steps out of the car and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them, “Good morning. Your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation but I’ll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath: two retail furniture stores, a deli, a condo in Miami, and a $1,000,000.00 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a chain of jewelry stores and a $25,000,000.00 bank account.

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