A teacher at a Birmingham, AL, high school asks a girl to use “handsome” in a sentence.
The girl named Lateshia says “Sometimes when I be suckin’ Jamal’s black cock, my jaw gets sore and I hafta use my handsome.”
The quality of our educational system sometimes brings a tear to your eye!!!
In South Los Angeles , a 4-plex was destroyed by a fire.
A Nigerian family of six con artists lived on the first floor, and all six died in the fire. An Islamic group of seven welfare cheats, all illegally in the country from Kenya , lived on the second floor, and they, too, all perished in the fire. 6 LA, Hispanic, Gang Banger, ex-cons, lived on the 3rd floor and they, too, died. A lone, white couple lived on the top floor… The couple survived the fire.
Jesse Jackson, John Burris and Al Sharpton were furious. They flew into LA and met with the fire chief, on camera.
They loudly demanded to know why the Blacks, Black Muslims and Hispanics all died in the fire and only the white couple lived?
The fire chief said, “They were at work.”
You know the honeymoon is over when the comedians start.
The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree . . . and think 25 to life would be appropriate. — Jay Leno
America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. — Jay Leno
Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s’ new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. — Conan O’Brien
Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser. — Jay Leno
Q: What’s the difference between Obama’s cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners. — David Letterman
Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America ! — Jimmy Fallon
Q: What’s the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers. — Jimmy Kimmel
Q: What was the most positive result of the “Cash for Clunkers” program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road. –David Letterman
Editorial note: I do not know for sure that any of the comedians above actually said any of these things.
Two men are out just quietly fishing & drinking beer.
Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says,
“I think I’m gonna divorce my wife. She hasn’t spoken to me in over 2 months.”
Charles continues slowly sipping his beer then thoughtfully says,
“You better think it over, Bob. Women like that are hard to find.”
Interesting piece of history.
In 1872 the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat’s bladder.
In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the bladder out of the goat first
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, ‘Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?’
Bob replies, ‘Girlfriend? She’s my wife!’ They are knocked over, but continue to ask. ‘So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?’
‘I lied about my age’, Bob replies.
‘What, did you tell her you were only 50?’
Bob smiles and says, ‘No, I told her I was 90.’
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa . ‘The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, ‘Wedding Cake.’
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.
‘Your Honor,’ she began coolly, ‘I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.’
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, ‘Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.’
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
‘Gee, Mom,’ he exclaimed. ‘For me?’
‘Just take two,’ Brenda replied. ‘The rest are for your father.’
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying,
‘Oh Mom! You don’t have to worry about that! I’m dating Susan!’