Category Archives: Women

ONCE A MARINE ALWAYS A MARINE!

On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on. She went to her husband, a retired Marine, and asked, "Honey, do you remember this?"

He looked up from his newspaper and said; "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."

She said, "Yes, that’s right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"

He nodded and said "Yes dear, I said: Oh baby, I’m going to suck the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out."

She giggled and said, "That’s exactly what you said. So now it’s fifty years later, and I’m in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight?"

He looked her up and down and said,

 

Continue reading ONCE A MARINE ALWAYS A MARINE!

Mother is worried about daughter

Daughter : ” Hey Mom. Me and my boyfriend are just going to my room. ”
Mom : ” OK. Don’t do anything stupid ”
Mom hears her daughter screaming ”BAABBY BAABBY BAABBYY OOHHHH” !!
Mom rushes up stairs
Mom : ”What are you doing !!?!??!!”
Daughter : ”Get out mom, we are having sex!!.”
Mom : ”OHH!! Thank God! I thought you were listening to Justin Bieber.”

Irish cabbie

One rainy spring night in Belfast, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.

“Where to?” he stammered.

“Vale Road,” answered the woman.

“OK,” he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

The woman caught him staring at her and asked, “Just what the hell you are looking at?”

“Well lady, replied the driver, I noticed that you’re completely naked, and I was just wondering how you’ll pay your fare.”

The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, “Does this answer your question?”

Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, “Got anything smaller?”

Why Some Men Have Dogs… And Not Wives

  1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
  2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
  3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
  4. A dog’s parents never visit.
  5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
  6. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.
  7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.
  8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
  9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
  10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
  11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
  12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad. They just think it’s interesting.
  13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
  14. And last, but certainly not least: If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.

 

Ultimate True Test: Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. Then open the trunk and see who’s the happiest to see you.

It just isn’t the same anymore

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck." Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked. "To get my teeth!"

NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND…

A woman was in a coma.  She had been in it for months.

Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath.  One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitors whenever she touched her there.  They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.  

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, ‘As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma.’

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.  The husband finally agreed and went into his wife’s room.

After a few minutes the woman’s monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate.

The nurses run back into the room. ‘What happened!?’ they cried.

The husband said, ‘I’m not sure….maybe she choked.’

 

NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND.

Better to be hated for who you are, than loved for who your not !!!