Thanks to TheJoker for showing me this!
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Suport group: S.H.A.M.E.
Changes in the Catholic Church
I KNEW IT,
I KNEW IT!
I JUST KNEW THIS WAS COMING….
German born Pope makes changes….
A reason for keyless entry
It probably would have been better if I had found and posted this in the dead of winter.
Tiger’s new sponsor!
I am surprised the tag line isn’t “I bet you can’t stop at just one!”
Tiger Woods: I love my LAYS!
Pickup line
A guy walked into a pub and immediately noticed a young lady at the bar on her own. After a couple of drinks, he decided to offer her a drink and make small talk.
“What’s your name?” he asked.
“Carmen,” she replied.
“That’s a nice name,” he said. “Did your mother or father name you that?”
“Neither,” she said. “I changed my name when I was 18 from Sharon to Carmen.”
“Why did you do that?” he asked.
“Well,” she explained, “I like men and I like cars, so that is how I got my name. What’s your name?”
“Beertits,” the man replied.
I found this joke at The Beer Goggler
Daughter explains Facebook to Dad
Dad: I just don’t get why you kids use it so much.
Jessica: Dad, Facebook is all about social networking. I know this doesn’t make sense to you since you have like zero friends!
Dad: Your mother and I had the Busch’s over for dinner last night…
Jessica: Just come here and take a look. See, last week I added Jared Starnes-
Dad: That kid from your old grade school?
Jessica: Yep, exactly. You see, I haven’t talked to him in like years, but now we can…
*Jessica looks at the screen to find she isn’t allowed to view Jared’s pictures*
Jessica: Weird, it looks like he hasn’t been online to accept me yet.
Dad: It says he wrote that update thingy fifteen minutes ago, Jess.
Jessica: Hmm, must be a glitch in the system. One thing you’ll learn about Facebook is that it is super glitch! Alright, so anyway, I was just trying to prove the point that it helps you stay in touch with all types of friends. Dad, you know Samantha right?
Dad: The girl who comes around in those inappropriately short jean-shorts?
Jessica: No.
Dad: Then no…
Jessica: Well, see Facebook is how Samantha and I stay in touch between the times we see each other. Like, we can make wall-posts, or comment on each other’s photos, or …God damnit, Samantha! She freaking told me she would tell me the next time she went camping with Steve and Cody! I was the one who introduced her to them!
Dad: Who are Steve and Cody?
Jessica: No one! I’m just trying to show you that it helps you stay in touch with your friends! Whatever, I probably didn’t even want to go with them anyway.
*Jessica takes a deep breath and recollects herself*
Jessica: I’m just saying when you are young and have a lot of friends it can be a lot to handle. That’s why us popular kids need a way to keep in touch. Look, I have over 300 friends on-What the hell! 296!
*Jessica grabs the monitor and begins shaking it violently*
Jessica: I will find out who you deserters are, and you can better believe I won’t EVER like your stupid fallout boy quotes again!!!
Dad: I’m going to bed. Make sure to shut the windows before you go to sleep.
*The dad begins to walk up the stairs*
Jessica: Allison is on it.
*The footsteps going up the stairs come to a stop*
Dad: Short jean-shorts girl?
Jessica: Yep…
Dad: I’ll sign up tomorrow.
I originally found this on College Humor. My gut is that nearly every father of a teenage girl has had this same conversation.
NSFW: 100 best insults
It probably doesn’t get more politically incorrect than this video. If you are listening to this at work, make sure you have headphones on. Some of these are absolutely hilarious!
Cardiologist’s Funeral
A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket was rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, ‘I am so sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral…. I’m a gynecologist.’
The proctologist fainted.
Woman shot in the head
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda’s eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.
When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.
Linda is blonde, a Democrat and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence.