Three Canadian blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented.
The first blonde said, “Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey.”
St. Peter said, “No,” and he banished her to Hell.
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A guy walked into a pub and immediately noticed a young lady at the bar on her own. After a couple of drinks, he decided to offer her a drink and make small talk.
“What’s your name?” he asked.
“Carmen,” she replied.
“That’s a nice name,” he said. “Did your mother or father name you that?”
“Neither,” she said. “I changed my name when I was 18 from Sharon to Carmen.”
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The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and tests were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.”
The first man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.” The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job.”
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With a sheep under his arm, a man walks into his bedroom and stands in front of his wife.
“This is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache,” he says.
The wife looks at him and replies, “That’s not a pig, it’s a sheep.”
He looks at his wife and answers, “I wasn’t talking to you.”
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