In the middle of an argument a man said to his wife, "I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time!"
The wife responded calmly, "Allow me to explain…the good Lord made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; and he made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
Popularity: 6% [?]
Tags: beautiful, stupidVerne was teeing off from the men’s tee.
On his downswing, he realized that his wife, Joy, was teeing up on the woman’s tee directly in front of him. Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the temple, killing her instantly.
A few days later, Verne got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy.
Coroner: "Verne, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that correct?"
Popularity: 3% [?]
Tags: coroner, golf, mulliganIn her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.
The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man, and posted on the Internet. It’s funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Popularity: 5% [?]
Tags: Bible, gay, Laura Schlesinger, LeviticusJohn was a salesman’s delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.
One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.
Popularity: 3% [?]
Tags: husband and wife, lie, robotOn their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on. She went to her husband, a retired Marine, and asked, "Honey, do you remember this?"
He looked up from his newspaper and said; "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."
She said, "Yes, that’s right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"
He nodded and said "Yes dear, I said: Oh baby, I’m going to suck the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out."
She giggled and said, "That’s exactly what you said. So now it’s fifty years later, and I’m in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight?"
He looked her up and down and said,
Popularity: 4% [?]
Tags: Marines, Marriage, negligeeA married woman tells this story:
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes..
Here’s how it all went.
My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, ‘You are the woman of my dreams.
I love you.’ Then we made passionate love all night long.
The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said,
Popularity: 2% [?]
Tags: bra, engaged, mistress, womenA woman, married three times, walked into a bridal shop and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.
"Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "Exactly what style and color are you looking for?"
The bride to be said: "A long frilly white dress with a veil."
Popularity: 3% [?]
Tags: bride, Democrat, Marriage, weddingBill worked in a pickle factory.
He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
‘What’s wrong, Bill?’ she asked.
‘Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?’
‘Oh, Bill, you didn’t’ she exclaimed.
‘Yes, I did.’ he replied.
‘My God, Bill, what happened?’
Popularity: 3% [?]
Tags: food, man, penis, pickle, wifeA couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, ‘Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.’
‘I know,’ the old man said. ‘We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago..’
‘Well,’ Granny snickered. ‘Let’s relive some old times.’
Popularity: 2% [?]
Tags: anniversary, coffee, Marriage, nipples, oatmeal, tableOne night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife’s arm.
The wife turns over and says ‘I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.’
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
He asked:
Popularity: 4% [?]
Tags: bed, Doctor. dentist, husband, wife
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