Monthly Archives: July 2013

Family, Images, Marriage, Women

It all started with the iPhone

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It all began with an iPhone…

January, 2011 was when Erica celebrated her 13th birthday, and we got her an iPhone. She just loved it. Who wouldn’t?

I celebrated my birthday later that month, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

Eva’s birthday was in October so we got her an iPod Touch.

My wife celebrated her birthday in March so I got her an iRon.

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It was around then that the fight started.  What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean. This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

I should be out of the hospital next week!! iHurt

 

Ethnic, Quickie

Old fashioned Polish humor

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There was a small phone company in Wisconsin many years ago that was going to hire one team of telephone pole installers, and the boss had to choose between a team of two Norwegian guys and a team of two Polish guys.

So the boss met with both teams and said, “Here’s what we’ll do. Each team will be installing poles out on the new road for a day. The team that installs the most phone poles gets the job.”

Both teams headed right out. At end of the shift the Norwegian guys, came back, and the boss asked them how many they had installed.

They said that it was tough going, but they’d put in twelve.

Forty-five minutes later the Polish guys came back in, and they were totally exhausted.

The boss asked, “Well, how many poles did you guys install?” the team leader, wiped his brow and sighed, “Tosh and me, we got three in.”

The boss gasped, “Three? Those two Norwegian guys put in twelve!”

“Yeah,” said Tosh, “but you should see how much they left stickin’ out of the ground.”

Quickie

Buying groceries with credit card

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There was a bit of confusion at the store this morning. When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, “Strip down, facing me.”

Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to my credit card. I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions to us Seniors a little clearer!

Politics, Quickie

Obama’s first day in hell

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One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

“I don’t know what to do here,” says the devil. “You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got a couple of folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you.  I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.”

Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

“No,” Obama said. “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer, and I don’t think I could do that all day long.”

The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

“No, this is no good; I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day,” commented Obama.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Continue reading Obama’s first day in hell →

Quickie, Redneck

A cop waits to arrest drunk

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Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Kentucky. After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar apparently so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it.  He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off–it was a fine, dry summer night–flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons’ vehicles left.

At last when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Continue reading A cop waits to arrest drunk →

Images, Seasonal

Happy 4th of July

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I hope that you will be able to enjoy celebrating the birthday of the greatest country ever to exist. Without the liberties that are enjoyed in this country, this site would not exist. A totalitarian government that was common at the birth of the United States of America would not allow a site that pokes fun at both genders, every ethnicity and the government itself. While the editors of this site respect the rights of all people everywhere, we feel that everyone needs to laugh a bit – even if it is at yourself.  We are proud to be Americans!

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