Jun 292013
 

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a retired golfer in his late-sixties and the other is a gorgeous brunette in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them,”I’m not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you’re history. Here’s your equipment — chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?”

The gorgeous brunette says, “I’ll go first”.

She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion’s cage.

The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. As he gets close, the gorgeous brunette throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner’s jaw is on the floor. He says, “I’ve never seen a display like that in my life.” He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, “Can you top that?”

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Jun 282013
 

It doesn’t get any more politically incorrect than this……
 
 
A twin-engine passenger plane has an engine failure and the altitude and speed are decreasing rapidly.
 
The pilot speaks over the intercom, “I’m sorry it has come to this ladies and gentlemen, but unfortunately we are going to have to jettison the luggage in order for the aircraft to remain airborne”.
 
Baggage is thrown out but still the plane’s speed continues to decrease.
 
Once again the pilot gets on the intercom, “I hate to do this folks but in order to save the majority we are going to have to start off-loading some passengers. The only fair way is to do this is alphabetically, so we’ll start with the letter ‘A'”.
 
“Africans? Are there any Africans on board?”
 
There was no answer so the pilot calls, B – “Black people, are there any black people on board?”
 
Again silence.
 
“C – coloured people? Are there any coloured people on board?
 
Still there is silence.
 
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Jun 232013
 

A doctor from France says: “In France, the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man’s testicles, we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work.”

The German doctor comments: “That’s nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person, we put it into another person’s head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work.”

A Russian doctor says: “That’s nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person, we put it into another person’s chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work.

The U.S. doctor answers immediately: Continue reading »

Jun 212013
 

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass?”

“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass.”

“Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the lawyer said.

“But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.”

“Bring them along,” the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, “You may come with us, also.”

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!”

“Bring them all as well,” the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

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