Newlyweds celebrate their first night together

Roger, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.

Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself   if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the  expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens   and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as   one.   All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.  

Continue reading Newlyweds celebrate their first night together

Putting your affairs in order

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, ‘I’ve got some bad news. You have cancer, and you’d best put your affairs in order.’ The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.

‘Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t well. I have cancer. So, let’s head to the club and have a martini.’

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8 ways to ensure that your husband lives

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.¬†After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.

  1. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.
  2. Be pleasant at all times.
  3. For lunch make him a nutritious meal.
  4. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
  5. Don’t burden him with chores.
  6. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse.
  7. No nagging.
  8. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week.

If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.” Continue reading 8 ways to ensure that your husband lives

Grandma is packing heat

I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding on U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73 just East of Sedan, KS.

I asked for her driver’s license, registration, and proof of insurance. The lady took out the required information and handed it to me.

In with the cards I was somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age) to see she had a conceal carry permit. I looked at her and ask if she had a weapon in her possession at this time. She didn’t exactly look like the type to remember what gun laws were (or even look on sites like to find out)

She responded that she indeed had a .45 automatic in her glove box.

Something—body language, or the way she said it—made me want to ask if she had any other firearms. She did admit to also having a 9mm Glock in her center console. Now I had to ask one more time if that was all. She responded once again that she did have just one more, a .38 special in her purse. Continue reading Grandma is packing heat