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Save your energy

image

This image evidently came from CurlyDavid.com.  I cannot confirm that as I couldn’t find the image there.  Also, the site appears to be pornographic and I am not suggesting that my readers go to a pornographic site. I have not been paid to recommend a pornographic site. Just enjoy the above humor.

Obama’s new appointment

Obama has now appointed a Golf Czar. Announcements were just made of major rule changes in the game of golf which will become effective March 2011. This is only a preview as the complete rule book is being rewritten as we speak. Here are a few basic changes:

  • Golfers with handicaps:
    • below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
    • between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
    • above 18 will get a $25 check each time they play.
  • The dollar amount placed in bets will be as follows:
    • for handicaps below 10, an additional $10.
    • between 11 and 18, no additional amount.
    • above 18, you will receive the total amount in the pot even if you do not play.
  • The term "gimme" will be changed to "entitlement." These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring. They will be used as follows:
    • handicaps below 10, no entitlements.
    • handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts.
    • handicaps above 18, if your ball is on green, no need to putt, just pick it up.
  • In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given round. Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par,can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again.
  • The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes but the term ‘net score’ will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above. This is intended to ‘redistribute’ the success of winning by making sure that in every competition, the above 18 handicap players will post only ‘net score’ against every other player’s gross score.

 

These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf. Golf must be about Fairness. It should have nothing to do with Ability

The Pope and Nancy Pelosi

The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they’ll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

Pelosi replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!"

So the Pope backhanded the bitch .

Irish cabbie

One rainy spring night in Belfast, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.

“Where to?” he stammered.

“Vale Road,” answered the woman.

“OK,” he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

The woman caught him staring at her and asked, “Just what the hell you are looking at?”

“Well lady, replied the driver, I noticed that you’re completely naked, and I was just wondering how you’ll pay your fare.”

The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, “Does this answer your question?”

Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, “Got anything smaller?”

Why Some Men Have Dogs… And Not Wives

  1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
  2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
  3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
  4. A dog’s parents never visit.
  5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
  6. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.
  7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.
  8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
  9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
  10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
  11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
  12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad. They just think it’s interesting.
  13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
  14. And last, but certainly not least: If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.

 

Ultimate True Test: Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. Then open the trunk and see who’s the happiest to see you.