I KNEW IT,
I KNEW IT!
I JUST KNEW THIS WAS COMING….
German born Pope makes changes….
Category Archives: Religion
Catholic Dictionary – For Catholics Only
This information is for Catholics only. It must not be divulged to non-Catholics. The less they know about our rituals and code words, the better off they are.
| AMEN | The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. |
| BULLETIN | Your receipt for attending Mass. |
| CHOIR | A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync. |
| HOLY WATER | A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. |
| HYMN | A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range. |
| INCENSE | Holy Smoke! |
| JESUITS | An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams. |
| JONAH | The original ‘Jaws’ story. |
| JUSTICE | When kids have kids of their own. |
| KYRIE ELEISON |
The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. (For you non-Catholics it means “Lord have mercy”.) |
| MAGI | The most famous trio to attend a baby shower. |
| MANGER | Where Mary placed Jesus because Joseph forgot the crib when packing the donkey. |
| PEW | A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches. |
| PROCESSION | The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats. |
| RECESSIONAL | The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot. |
| RECESSIONAL HYMN | The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left. |
| RELICS | People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand. |
| STABLE | Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn’t covered by an HMO. (The Bible’s way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.) |
| TEN COMMANDMENTS | The most important Top Ten list not presented by David Letterman. |
| USHER | The only people in the parish who don’t know the seating capacity of a pew. |
Jewish pilgrimage
A Jewish businessman in Chicago sent his son to Israel for a year to absorb the culture. When the son returned, he said, “Papa, I had a great time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity. “
“Oy vey,” said the father. “What have I done?”
He took his problem to his best friend. “Ike,” he said, “I sent my son to Israel, and he came home a Christian. What can I do?”
“Funny you should ask,” said Ike. “I, too, sent my son to Israel, and he also came home a Christian. Perhaps we should go see the rabbi.”
So they did, and they explained their problem to the rabbi. “Funny you should ask,” said the rabbi. “I, too, sent my son to Israel, and he also came home a Christian. What is happening to our young people?”
And so they all prayed, telling the Lord about their sons. As they finished their prayer, a voice came from the heavens:
“Funny you should ask,” said the voice “I, too, sent my Son to Israel……