The Pope and Nancy Pelosi

 Politics, Quickie, Religion  No Responses »
Feb 082011
 

The and are on the same in in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Mrs. and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they’ll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

Pelosi replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!"

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Religion is like a penis

 Images, Irony, Religion, Sarcasm  No Responses »
Jan 312011
 

image001

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Irish logic

 Ethnic, Men, Quickie, Religion  No Responses »
Nov 182010
 

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the almost fell down when he saw him. He’d never been to in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, “Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?”

Murphy said, “I got to be honest with you , a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass & figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and McGlynn’s hat.”

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Religion!

 Religion, Video  No Responses »
Oct 082010
 

This humor is probably going to offend 90% of the people that watch this video.

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Preacher: Don’t do what I say

 Quickie, Religion  No Responses »
Sep 272010
 

A man went to one day and afterward he stopped to shake the ’s hand. He said, ‘, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!’

The preacher said, ‘Thank you sir, but I’d rather you didn’t use .’

The man said, ‘I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!’

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Polish women mean business

 Ethnic, Quickie, Religion, Women  No Responses »
Sep 122010
 

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending , he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite pierogi with fried onions wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.

Downstairs, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen, where if not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in , for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were hundreds of his favorite pierogi.

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Good to the last drop

 Quickie, Religion, Women  No Responses »
Aug 302010
 

A 98-year old Mother Superior from was dying. The nuns gathered
around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried
giving her some warm to drink but she refused it.

One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen and remembering a
bottle of received as a gift the previous Christmas, she
opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior’s bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother
drank a little then a little more. Before they knew it she had drank
the whole glass down to the last drop.

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Changes in the Catholic Church

 Ethnic, Images, Religion  No Responses »
Jul 172010
 

I KNEW IT,

I KNEW IT!

I JUST KNEW THIS WAS COMING….

born makes changes….

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Catholic Dictionary – For Catholics Only

 Ethnic, Religion  No Responses »
Jun 142010
 

This information is for Catholics only. It must not be divulged to non-Catholics. The less they know about our rituals and code words, the better off they are.

AMEN The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN Your receipt for attending Mass.
CHOIR A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.
HOLY WATER A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
HYMN A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation’s range.
INCENSE Holy Smoke!
JESUITS An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.
JONAH The original ‘Jaws’ story.
JUSTICE When kids have kids of their own.
KYRIE
ELEISON		 The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. (For you non-Catholics it means “Lord have mercy”.)
MAGI The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
MANGER Where Mary placed Jesus because Joseph forgot the crib when packing the donkey.
PEW A medieval torture device still found in churches.
PROCESSION The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.
RECESSIONAL The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
RECESSIONAL HYMN The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
RELICS People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
STABLE Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn’t covered by an HMO. (The Bible’s way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)
TEN The most important Top Ten list not presented by David Letterman.
USHER The only people in the parish who don’t know the seating capacity of a pew.

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Jewish pilgrimage

 Ethnic, Religion  No Responses »
Jun 052010
 

A  businessman in Chicago sent his son to  for a year to absorb the culture. When the son returned, he said, “Papa, I had a great  in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity. “

“Oy vey,” said the . ”What have I done?”  Continue reading »

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