Obama discusses online spying
Category Archives: Politics
Creepy – Lincoln and Kennedy
Obama’s first day in hell
One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
“I don’t know what to do here,” says the devil. “You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got a couple of folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.”
Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
“No,” Obama said. “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer, and I don’t think I could do that all day long.”
The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
“No, this is no good; I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day,” commented Obama.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Continue reading Obama’s first day in hell
Little Johnny meets Barack Obama
Barack Obama was visiting a primary school in North Carolina and he visited a fourth grade class. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on the word ‘tragedy.’
So our illustrious president asked the class for an example of a ‘tragedy.’
One little boy stood up and offered: “If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field, and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy.”
“No,” said Obama, “that would be an accident.”
A little girl raised her hand: “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy.”
“I’m afraid not,” explained Obama. “That’s what we would call great loss.”
The room went silent. No other child volunteered. Obama searched the room. “Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”
Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher held her breath.
In a quiet voice he said: “If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a ‘friendly fire’ missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.”
“Fantastic!” exclaimed Obama. “That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?”
“Well,” says Johnny, “It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn’t be a great loss… and you can bet your ass it wouldn’t be an accident either!”
The teacher fainted.
US medical science is the most advanced
A doctor from France says: “In France, the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man’s testicles, we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work.”
The German doctor comments: “That’s nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person, we put it into another person’s head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work.”
A Russian doctor says: “That’s nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person, we put it into another person’s chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work.
The U.S. doctor answers immediately: Continue reading US medical science is the most advanced
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Bathroom sign
New Federal Golf Rules
Major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective January 20, 2013.
This is only a preview as the complete rule book (expect 2012 pages) is being rewritten as we speak.
Here are a few of the changes:
Golfers with handicaps:
- Below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
- Between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
- Above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play.
The term “gimmie” will be changed to “entitlement” and will be used as follows:
- Handicaps below 10, no entitlements.
- Handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts.
- Handicaps above 18, if your ball is on the green, no need to putt, just pick it up.
These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring.
No private club can accept any more white male members until the club has a membership percentage equal to the general ethnic percentage of the US. Non-white or non-male members will not be charged a membership fee until such time as the club achieves equality.
All members at a private club must take golf lessons from an approved USGA professional. If a member cannot afford to pay for such lessons then the club will provide those lessons free of charge. The cost of the lessons will then be offset by additional dues from the more affluent members of the club. If golfers want additional practice then they may want to look into purchasing golfing software (find it here) to help them with their current skills.
Tee boxes will be changed to the following:
- female non-whites will the closest to the green and no more than 150 yards from the edge of the green.
- male non-whites will be the 2nd closest to the green and no more than 200 yards from the edge of the green.
- female whites will be in the same location as current but not closer than the above two tee boxes.
- white males will be located at the furthest location currently developed (commonly known as the ‘tips”) and no closer than the above 3.
In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round. Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again .
A hole-in-one shall be evenly distributed to all members of the foursome – the success of one player shall be the success of all players.
At any time, the person that has the worst score in the foursome can place their ball at the same place as the person with best score in the foursome without penalty.
The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term “net score” will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above. This is intended to “re-distribute” the success of winning by making sure that in all competitions every Player above an 18 handicap will post only “net score” against every other player’s “gross score”.
These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf.
Golf must be about Fairness. It should have nothing to do with ability, hard work, practice, and responsibility.
This is the “Right Thing To Do.”
So, please remember; if you shot a round of golf under par, you didn’t shoot it yourself. Someone else built that course, and someone else cut the grass so that you could play on it. Someone else built the clubs and the cart.
You need to share with everyone and anyone who made you a successful golfer.
Presidential candidates fight about bombing Iran
A REPUBLICAN FINALLY ADMITS THE DEMOCRAT WAS RIGHT !
“You WERE right! I should have settled for a blow job!”