A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher’s hand. He said, ‘Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!’
The preacher said, ‘Thank you sir, but I’d rather you didn’t use profanity.’
The man said, ‘I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!’
The preacher said, ‘No shit?’
A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat’s milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. ‘These’ she explained, ‘Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.’ She then asked, ‘What do you do in America with your old goats?’
A spry old gentleman answered, ‘They send us on bus tours!
Three rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, ‘Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife.
Donnie says, ‘OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.’ Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Ronnie says, ‘Where did you get that beer, Donnie?’
‘Cooter’s wife gave it to me,’ Ronnie replies.
‘That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?’
‘Well, not exactly’, Donnie says. ‘When she answered the door, I said to her, “you must be Cooter’s widow.”
She said, ‘You must be mistaken.. I’m not a widow.’ Then I said, ‘I’ll bet you a case of Budweiser you are..’
Rednecks are good at that sensitive stuff.
I found these really cool pictures over at RGB Picture.
The brave man at Tienanmen Square has nothing on this toddler!
He shouldn’t have eaten the beans at lunch.
Continue reading Unusual images
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion :
Routine…
(1) The woman buys the food and beer.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert .
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand .
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman .
Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine…
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery .
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat
Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine…
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ‘ her night off ‘ and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women!
This series of images was so funny, I had to reproduce them all here. I found this at Don’t Panic so I am sorry to them that I took their whole post. Go visit them and see more funny stuff.
The hilarious part of these images (aside that it is just plain funny) is that if he was only half as fat, the girls wouldn’t have looked at him at all! There is an advantage to being super-obese.
I have a feeling that this comedian is not going to make it.
