- I’m living next door to a Lebanese couple at the moment. They have three little kids and they’ve challenged me to a water fight in the back yard, so I’m just writing to you while I’m waiting for the kettle to boil.
 - Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia . He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the video – its ****ing hilarious.
 - I’ve caught a stray parrot in my garden. All he says is, “good morning you ugly prick?” It’s not yours is it?
 - I’m sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for donations. Just had one from the sperm bank. Boy, did I give her a mouthful.
 - Been to the optometrist today – he told me I was color blind. I’m ****in’ worried now that some of my buddies could be black. If you are, can you delete my e-mail address?
 - There’s a new anti-depressant for lesbians on the market: Trycoxagain.
 - I failed my biology exam today. I was asked to name 2 things commonly found in cells. Apparently, Mexicans and blacks is not the correct answer
 
All posts by admin
I don’t understand women
Sometimes women are so hard to figure out….
The wife left a note on the fridge: “It’s not working!!! I can’t take it anymore; I’ve gone to stay at my Moms!”
I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold.
God only knows what she was talking about!!
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a couple nice cold beers. The day was really quite beautiful, and the brew facilitated some deep thinking on various topics. Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question. Continue reading Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Bathroom sign

Memorial Day – Remember those who served and gave
The Sensitive Man
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk. They connect. They end  up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his
apartment .
She notices that one wall of his
bedroom is
completely filled with soft, sweet,
cuddly teddy bears. 
There are three shelves in the
bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute,
cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the
length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.  
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears. She is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but doesn’t mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking,
‘Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future father of my children?’ 
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the
lips.
He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other’s clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she  has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly,
‘Well, how was it?’
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:
DEMENTIA QUIZ
FIRST QUESTION:
YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON, WHAT POSITION ARE YOU IN?
~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
 
ANSWER : IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE FIRST,
THEN YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG! IF YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON AND YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE!
TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME.
NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION,
BUT DON’T TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS
YOU TOOK FOR THE FIRST QUESTION, OK?
SECOND QUESTION:
IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE….?
(SCROLL DOWN)
~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
ANSWER: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU ARE…..
WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON??
YOU’RE NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU?
THIRD QUESTION:
VERY TRICKY ARITHMETIC! NOTE:
THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY.
DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR.
TRY IT.
TAKE 1000 AND ADD 40 TO IT. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000 NOW ADD 30.
ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20 .. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000.
NOW ADD 10.. WHAT IS THE TOTAL?
SCROLL DOWN FOR THE CORRECT ANSWER…..
New Federal Golf Rules
Major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective January 20, 2013.
This is only a preview as the complete rule book (expect 2012 pages) is being rewritten as we speak.
Here are a few of the changes:
Golfers with handicaps:
- Below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
 - Between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
 - Above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play.
 
The term “gimmie” will be changed to “entitlement” and will be used as follows:
- Handicaps below 10, no entitlements.
 - Handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts.
 - Handicaps above 18, if your ball is on the green, no need to putt, just pick it up.
 
No private club can accept any more white male members until the club has a membership percentage equal to the general ethnic percentage of the US. Non-white or non-male members will not be charged a membership fee until such time as the club achieves equality.
All members at a private club must take golf lessons from an approved USGA professional. If a member cannot afford to pay for such lessons then the club will provide those lessons free of charge. The cost of the lessons will then be offset by additional dues from the more affluent members of the club. If golfers want additional practice then they may want to look into purchasing golfing software (find it here) to help them with their current skills.
Tee boxes will be changed to the following:
- female non-whites will the closest to the green and no more than 150 yards from the edge of the green.
 - male non-whites will be the 2nd closest to the green and no more than 200 yards from the edge of the green.
 - female whites will be in the same location as current but not closer than the above two tee boxes.
 - white males will be located at the furthest location currently developed (commonly known as the ‘tips”) and no closer than the above 3.
 
In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round. Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again .
A hole-in-one shall be evenly distributed to all members of the foursome – the success of one player shall be the success of all players.
At any time, the person that has the worst score in the foursome can place their ball at the same place as the person with best score in the foursome without penalty.
The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term “net score” will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above. This is intended to “re-distribute” the success of winning by making sure that in all competitions every Player above an 18 handicap will post only “net score” against every other player’s “gross score”.
These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf.
Golf must be about Fairness. It should have nothing to do with ability, hard work, practice, and responsibility.
This is the “Right Thing To Do.”
So, please remember; if you shot a round of golf under par, you didn’t shoot it yourself. Someone else built that course, and someone else cut the grass so that you could play on it. Someone else built the clubs and the cart.
You need to share with everyone and anyone who made you a successful golfer.


