It doesn’t get any more politically incorrect than this……
A twin-engine passenger plane has an engine failure and the altitude and speed are decreasing rapidly.
The pilot speaks over the intercom, “I’m sorry it has come to this ladies and gentlemen, but unfortunately we are going to have to jettison the luggage in order for the aircraft to remain airborne”.
Baggage is thrown out but still the plane’s speed continues to decrease.
Once again the pilot gets on the intercom, “I hate to do this folks but in order to save the majority we are going to have to start off-loading some passengers. The only fair way is to do this is alphabetically, so we’ll start with the letter ‘A'”.
“Africans? Are there any Africans on board?”
There was no answer so the pilot calls, B – “Black people, are there any black people on board?”
Again silence.
“C – coloured people? Are there any coloured people on board?
Still there is silence.
Continue reading This is your Captain speaking
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Creative electrician art
An electrician + Sharpie pen = A Dangerous combination…
I will never look at a power outlet the same way again . .
Fruit message from wife
Got home late last night after a full day of golfing and drinking with the boys and the wife left a message in the kitchen.
I guess she wants me to eat more fruit.
Can you help my homeless friend?
I’m reaching out on behalf of a friend of mine who needs some help!
His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him get an erection.
When he came back ….he handed her some diet pills.
Anyway, …he’s looking for a place to live….
Women described in 3 pictures
US medical science is the most advanced
A doctor from France says: “In France, the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man’s testicles, we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work.”
The German doctor comments: “That’s nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person, we put it into another person’s head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work.”
A Russian doctor says: “That’s nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person, we put it into another person’s chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work.
The U.S. doctor answers immediately: Continue reading US medical science is the most advanced
How to show you are a real man
A generous lawyer
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.
He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass?”
“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass.”
“Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the lawyer said.
“But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.”
“Bring them along,” the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, “You may come with us, also.”
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!”
“Bring them all as well,” the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”
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Never believe an Irishman
An Irishman was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his cell phone
He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced a
typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the man just shrugs.
“That’s about average up our way, folks. Like I said, my boy’s a typical County Clare baby boy.”
Two weeks later the man returns to the bar. The bartender says, “Say, you’re the father of that
typical Irish baby boy that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren’t you? Everybody’s been making bets about
how big he’d be in two weeks. So how much does he weigh now?”
The proud father answers, “Seventeen pounds.”
The bartender is puzzled and concerned. “What happened?” He was 25 pounds the day he was born.”
The father takes a slow swig of his Jameson Irish Whiskey, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into
the bartender and proudly says, “Had him circumcised.”