Never believe an Irishman

An Irishman was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his cell phone

 

He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced a

typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

 

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the man just shrugs.

 

“That’s about average up our way, folks.  Like I said, my boy’s a typical County Clare baby boy.”

 

Two weeks later the man returns to the bar.  The bartender says, “Say, you’re the father of that

typical Irish baby boy that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren’t you?  Everybody’s been making bets about

how big he’d be in two weeks.  So how much does he weigh now?”

 

The proud father answers, “Seventeen pounds.”

 

The bartender is puzzled and concerned.  “What happened?”  He was 25 pounds the day he was born.”

 

The father takes a slow swig of his Jameson Irish Whiskey, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into

the bartender and proudly says, “Had him circumcised.”

7 quick jokes to offend almost everyone

  1. I’m living next door to a Lebanese couple at the moment. They have three little kids and they’ve challenged me to a water fight in the back yard, so I’m just writing to you while I’m waiting for the kettle to boil.
  2. Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia . He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the video – its ****ing hilarious.
  3. I’ve caught a stray parrot in my garden. All he says is, “good morning you ugly prick?” It’s not yours is it?
  4. I’m sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for donations. Just had one from the sperm bank. Boy, did I give her a mouthful.
  5. Been to the optometrist today – he told me I was color blind. I’m ****in’ worried now that some of my buddies could be black. If you are, can you delete my e-mail address?
  6. There’s a new anti-depressant for lesbians on the market: Trycoxagain.
  7. I failed my biology exam today. I was asked to name 2 things commonly found in cells. Apparently, Mexicans and blacks is not the correct answer

Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a couple nice cold beers. The day was really quite beautiful, and the brew facilitated some deep thinking on various topics. Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question. Continue reading Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?