WOMEN
A real woman is a man’s best friend.
She will never stand him up and never let him down.
She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.
She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret.
She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.
She will make sure he always feels as though he’s the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible.
No wait…Sorry.
I’m thinking of whiskey. It’s whiskey that does all that shit.
Never mind.
A 98-year old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered
around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried
giving her some warm milk to drink but she refused it.
One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen and remembering a
bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she
opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior’s bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother
drank a little then a little more. Before they knew it she had drank
the whole glass down to the last drop.
“Mother,” the nuns asked with earnest, “please give us some
wisdom before you die.”
She raised herself up in the bed and whispered, “Don’t sell that
cow.”
An old man takes his grandson fishing one afternoon. After 15 minutes of fishing, ol’ grandpa takes out his flask of whiskey and starts drinking. His grandson asks, “Can I have some, Grandpa?”
“Can your dick touch your ass?” he replies.
“No.”
“Then you’re not old enough, sit down.”
Another 15 minutes pass and grandpa takes out his Camel and starts to puff away. His grandson asks “Can I have some of that, gramps?”
“Can your dick touch your ass?”
“No.”
“Then you’re not old enough, sit down.” Continue reading Grandpa and grandson go fishing →
Politically incorrect humor and jokes to offend everyone