Carrie Underwood has nothing on these women!
Category Archives: Women
The beer is normal
New definition of Queen Size!
Putting your affairs in order
The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, ‘I’ve got some bad news. You have cancer, and you’d best put your affairs in order.’ The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.
‘Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t well. I have cancer. So, let’s head to the club and have a martini.’
After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber.
There were some laughs and more martinis.They were eventually approached by some of the woman’s old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, ‘I’ve been diagnosed
with AIDS.’
The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.
After the friends left, the woman’s daughter leaned over and whispered, ‘Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?’
‘Because I don’t want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I’m gone.’
And THAT, my friends, is what is called, ‘Putting Your Affairs In Order.’
8 ways to ensure that your husband lives
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.
- Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.
- Be pleasant at all times.
- For lunch make him a nutritious meal.
- For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
- Don’t burden him with chores.
- Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse.
- No nagging.
- And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week.
If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.” Continue reading 8 ways to ensure that your husband lives
It all started with the iPhone
It all began with an iPhone…
January, 2011 was when Erica celebrated her 13th birthday, and we got her an iPhone. She just loved it. Who wouldn’t?
I celebrated my birthday later that month, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.
Eva’s birthday was in October so we got her an iPod Touch.
My wife celebrated her birthday in March so I got her an iRon.
It was around then that the fight started. What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean. This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.
I should be out of the hospital next week!! iHurt
Women described in 3 pictures
I don’t understand women
Sometimes women are so hard to figure out….
The wife left a note on the fridge: “It’s not working!!! I can’t take it anymore; I’ve gone to stay at my Moms!”
I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold.
God only knows what she was talking about!!
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a couple nice cold beers. The day was really quite beautiful, and the brew facilitated some deep thinking on various topics. Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question. Continue reading Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Nurses aren’t supposed to laugh…
"Of course I won’t laugh," said the nurse. "I’m a professional. In over twenty years I’ve never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen. It’s length and width was almost identical to a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out. And then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing. Feeling very badly that she had laughed at the man’s part, she composed herself as well as she could.
"I am so sorry," she said. "I don’t know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise that won’t happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?"