Category Archives: Women

The magic dildo

A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip, so he thought he’d buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went to a sex shop and explained his situation.

The man there said, “Well, I don’t know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except……. the Magic Penis!”

The husband said, “The……..what”?

The salesman repeated, “The Magic Penis,” and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo.

The husband laughed, and said, “It looks like an ordinary dildo!”

The man then pointed to the door and said, ” Magic Penis, door!”

The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding away at the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much so, that a crack began to form down the middle.

Then the salesman said, “Magic Penis, return to box!” and the penis stopped and returned to the box.

The husband bought it and took it home to his wife and explained how to use it.

After the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Magic Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said “Magic Penis, my crotch.” The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible.

After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she’d had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off so she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the closest hospital.

On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she’d had to drink.

Continue reading The magic dildo

Does this young woman shave down there?

A Scottish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn’t have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.

“Monday’s the best night, when my husband goes out to darts,” she said.

The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.

Continue reading Does this young woman shave down there?

Pervert talks to a barmaid

A man goes into a bar, and the barmaid asks what he wants.

“I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your tits.” he says.

“You dirty bastard!” shouts the barmaid, “Get out before I get my husband.”

The man apologizes and promises not to repeat his gaffe.

The Barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants.

“I want to pull your pants down, spread yogurt between the cheeks of your ass and lick it all off.”

She says, “You dirty filthy pervert! You’re barred. Get out!”

Again, the man apologizes and swears never to do it again.

“One more chance,” says the barmaid, “Now, what do you want?”

“I want to turn you upside down, tear your panties off and fill your pussy with Guinness, and then drink every last drop from your hairy cup.”

The barmaid is furious at this personal intrusion, and runs in the back to fetch her husband.

“What’s up?” he asks his irate wife.

“There’s some asshole out in the bar who wants to put his head between my tits and lick the sweat off,” she says.

“I’ll kill him. Where is he?” storms the husband.

“Then he said he wanted to pour yogurt down between my ass cheeks and lick it off,” she screams.

“Oh, he’s a dead man!” says the husband, reaching for a baseball bat.

“Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my pussy with Guinness and then drink it all,” she cries.

The husband puts down his bat and returns to his chair.

“Aren’t you going to do something about it?” she cries hysterically. Continue reading Pervert talks to a barmaid

Today is my 40th wedding anniversary

After being married for 40 years, I took a
careful look at my wife and said,
“Forty years ago we had a cheap house, a
junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a
10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep
every night with a hot 23-year-old girl. Now …. I have a $500,000.00 home, a $35,000.00
car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but
I’m sleeping with a 63-year-old woman. It seems
to me that you’re not holding up your side of things.”

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me
to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she
would make sure that I would once again be living
in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on
a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and
white TV.

Continue reading Today is my 40th wedding anniversary

Men Teaching Classes for Women

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENT, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM .

Class 1

Up in Winter, Down in Summer – How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2

Continue reading Men Teaching Classes for Women

Sex after surgery

A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
“You’ll be fine,” he said.
She asked … “How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?”

The surgeon seemed to pause, and a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye, which alarmed the girl.
“What’s the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won’t I?”
He replied …
“Yes, you’ll be fine. It’s just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out.”