It doesn’t get any more politically incorrect than this……
A twin-engine passenger plane has an engine failure and the altitude and speed are decreasing rapidly.
The pilot speaks over the intercom, “I’m sorry it has come to this ladies and gentlemen, but unfortunately we are going to have to jettison the luggage in order for the aircraft to remain airborne”.
Baggage is thrown out but still the plane’s speed continues to decrease.
Once again the pilot gets on the intercom, “I hate to do this folks but in order to save the majority we are going to have to start off-loading some passengers. The only fair way is to do this is alphabetically, so we’ll start with the letter ‘A'”.
“Africans? Are there any Africans on board?”
There was no answer so the pilot calls, B – “Black people, are there any black people on board?”
Again silence.
“C – coloured people? Are there any coloured people on board?
Still there is silence.
Continue reading This is your Captain speaking
Category Archives: Ethnic
7 quick jokes to offend almost everyone
- I’m living next door to a Lebanese couple at the moment. They have three little kids and they’ve challenged me to a water fight in the back yard, so I’m just writing to you while I’m waiting for the kettle to boil.
- Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia . He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the video – its ****ing hilarious.
- I’ve caught a stray parrot in my garden. All he says is, “good morning you ugly prick?” It’s not yours is it?
- I’m sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for donations. Just had one from the sperm bank. Boy, did I give her a mouthful.
- Been to the optometrist today – he told me I was color blind. I’m ****in’ worried now that some of my buddies could be black. If you are, can you delete my e-mail address?
- There’s a new anti-depressant for lesbians on the market: Trycoxagain.
- I failed my biology exam today. I was asked to name 2 things commonly found in cells. Apparently, Mexicans and blacks is not the correct answer
5 pearls of Scottish Wisdom
Found this on a bulletin board. Just so you don’t need to open the image, I am retyping them for your enjoyment.
- Money cannot buy happiness but somehow, its more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes Benz than it is on a bicycle.
- Forgive your enemy but remember the bastard’s name.
- Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
- Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
- Alcohol does not solve any problem, but then neither does milk.
Here is the image from the bulletin board:
Math test
Schools are finally starting to teach practical math that these kids can use in real-life situations.
NAME ____________________
GANG/CREW NAME ______________
CRIB _________________
1. Lajames has an AK-47 with a 200-round clip. He usually misses 6 of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive- by shootin. How many mofos can Lajames ice on a drive- by, before he gotta reload?
2. Leroy has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what be the street value of the rest of his shit?
3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho’s. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne’s $800 per day Crack habit?
4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to gets the 20% upside?
5. Ray-Ray gets $2000 for a stolen BMW, $1500 for stealing a Corvette, and $1000 for a 4 x 4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4×4’s, how many more Corvettes must he steal to make the 10k for his brother’s bail?
6. Pedro got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?
7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with three 8 oz. Cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?
8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There be 20 girls in his gang. What be the percentage of bitches Tyrone knocked up?
9. Lafwanda is a lookout for the gang. Lafwanda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week and a cost of $5 per rat. If Lafwanda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed her snake with one week’s income?
10. Marvin steals Juan’s skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum piece. If it takes Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?
3 nude men on a bench
At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.
The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment.
He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black men in a predominately white, patriarchal society. ‘In fact,’ he pointed out, ‘some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.’
After the curator left, an Irishman, approached the couple and said, ‘Would you like to know what the painting is really about?’
‘Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?’ asked the couple.
‘Because I’m the guy who painted it,’ he replied. ‘In fact, there are no black men depicted at all. They’re just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.
May I own a Canadian?
In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.
The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man, and posted on the Internet. It’s funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination … End of that debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them:
- Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?
- I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
- I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
- When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
- I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
- A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?
- Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
- Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
- I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
- My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I’m confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.
An adoring fan.
PS: It would be a damn shame if we couldn’t own a Canadian.
Conservatives still have problems with Obama’s birth
I found this image at http://i.imgur.com/ou2G2.jpg
Mexican summer Olympic team
Mexico doesn’t have a summer Olympic team, because anyone who can run, jump or swim is already across the border.
Arab father instructs his son
A young Arab asks his father, “What is that weird hat you are wearing?”
The father said, “Why, it’s a ‘chechia’ because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun.”
“And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?” asked the young man.
“It’s a ‘djbellah’ because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body.” said the father.
The son asked, “And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?
His father replied, “These are ‘babouches”, which keep us from burning our feet in the desert.”
“So tell me then,” added the boy.
“Yes, my son?”
All the Presidents in one photo
Just in case you haven’t seen all of the presidents in one photo collage.
Historical Keepsake Photo:
I know you laughed, even if you won’t admit it.