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What is today?
A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright,
“T-G-I-F.”
He smiled at her and replied,
“S-H-I-T.”
She looked puzzled and repeated,
“T-G-I-F,” more slowly.
He again answered,
“S-H-I-T.”
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly,
“T-G-I-F.”
The man smiled back to her and once again,
“S-H-I-T.”
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.
‘T-G-I-F’ means ‘Thank God, It’s Friday.’ Get it, duuhhh?” ;
The man answered,
“‘S-H-I-T’ means ‘Sorry, Honey, It’s Thursday’– duuhhh.
We shall never forget
Not feeling very jovial today.
One of the best responses to ‘Is there a God?’
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane, turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with a fellow passenger.”
The little girl, who had just started reading her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God?” as he smiled smugly.
“OK,” she said. “That could be an interesting topic…but let me ask you a question first: a horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff- grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”
The atheist, visibly surprised by her intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
Continue reading One of the best responses to ‘Is there a God?’
Who just came into the bar?
A black man, an illegal alien, a Muslim, and a Communist walk into a bar.
The bartender asks,“What can I get for you, Mr. President ?”
Dear Dr. Phil
Dear Dr. Phil,
I was watching my next door neighbor’s wife sun bathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was jerking off I turned to notice my wife just standing there, arms folded…watching me.
Is she a pervert?
The best patients come from…
Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon, from New York , says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered..”
The second, from Chicago , responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.”
The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, “No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order”
The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers… Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.”
But the fifth surgeon, from Washington DC, shut them all up when he observed: “You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine. Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable.. “
Little Johnny – things that end with “tor”
A teacher asked her third grade class to name things that ended with
“tor” that ate things.
The first little boy said, “Alligator.”
“Very good James, that’s a big word.”
The second boy said, “Predator.”
“ Yes, that’s another big word Alan. Very well done.”
Little Johnny says, “Vibrator.”
After nearly falling off her chair, she says, “That is a big word
Johnny, but it doesn’t eat anything.”
“Well my mother has one and she says it eats fucking batteries like
there’s no tomorrow!”
The wisdom of Betty White
